New name

Cade announced today at lunch that he had a new name. Luigi.  He gave me permission to call him either Luigi or Cade. I am sure this has nothing to do with his affinity for Mario Kart.....

It's My Party...

...and I'll cry if I want to!

Finally some pictures! These were taken on Savvy's third birthday. We went to the BYU games center to bowl and then back to our place for cake. Fun day!

Cade was the most excited about bowling. He did great!

Soon-to-delilver Becca and Little Bear

Kyle's buddy Russ joined us for the festivities. Well, he just happened to be at the games center when we were. I think this is when he was talking about a girl he was dating. He seems happy. :)

Aunt Dee and the boys spoiled her with a princess outfit complete with a crown and Becca gave her a princess book (which she has now memorized so she can help Cade sound out the hard words when he's reading it to her. It's pretty cute.) and a box of Lucky Charms.

Cake time!  I wasn't feeling very good so I took Savvy to the store and told her she could pick out ANY cake she wanted. She chose Oreo Chocolate. My daughter? Yes, she is. If you can believe it, I didn't have a single bite of that cake. So sad.

_______

 

The day I brought our little Savannah home from the hospital, I could feel a different spirit in the home. It was amazing to me how each child has their own special spirits, and hers was unique.  I remember holding her all day just wishing I could make time stand still. Though time has passed too quickly, I have cherished each moment I have spent with her and have loved watching her grow into the independent, joyful and strong-willed child that she is.

Savannah has always seemed so eager to progress. I was unsuccessful in my attempts to thwart her efforts to crawl, then walk, and I almost can't remember when she couldn't speak in full sentences. She's always in Cade's shadow, expecting to be able to master the next trick he has. 

I love how she and Cade are best friends. Though they are nearly 3 years apart, they play so well together.  It's a special bond the two of them have, and it warms my heart to see the great love they share.

I am looking forward to her upcoming role as a big sister, yet sad to lose her as my baby.  At least I have a few more months.

Happy Birthday, Savvy. You are my sunshine.

Love,

Mom

The bread and butter of life!

Tonight Savvy and I went on a little date. Kyle and Cade were at a wrestling tournament somewhere, so Girls Night Out it was. When when my sister called and invited us to join them at Pirate Island for some pizza, Savvy shockingly turned it down and was set on going to BYU for our date.

I did the usual bookstore run picking up some children's books and finally bought some BYU shirts for the kids. I can't believe we've  let them go this long without their Cougarwear! Once we finished shopping I told Savannah she could pick whatever she wanted to have for dinner.

"A BAGEL!"

Sadly, Cougar Express was fresh out of bagels.  So I had a different idea. A better idea. An idea I can't believe I never had before with Savannah.

We walked over to Sugar 'N Spice and I ordered their famous mini loaf of bread, some honey butter, a large BYU Creamery Chocolate milk, and a small cup of strawberry ice cream. Heaven. (also the source for my freshman 15. I worked at Sugar 'N Spice and got to take home leftovers)

Savannah screamed and whined and pitched a fit because she was so determined she was going to eat a bagel for dinner. What she had forgotten was that nearly every night since Kyle's sister got married in October, she asks to eat bread with butter for dinner. (they served these yummy rolls at Heather's luncheon and she hasn't forgotten about them since).  This time I was actually letting her eat bread and butter-- FOR dinner.

All it took was one bite and she was hooked. She nearly devoured the entire loaf and most of the butter and half the ice cream. She kindly shared that with me. :)

It was a fun night. I took some cute pictures of her in bread and butter happyland with my phone...but who knows how you upload phone pictures to the internet. ??? not me.

You're invited to join my pity party!

Hi friends!  I dusted off the depressing thoughts I wrote in my early pregnancy and have now posted them for your viewing pleasure. Well, pleasure? No. You won't get pleasure from reading them. They are kind of downers so if you're looking for a boost, I wouldn't go there just yet.

I do have good news now, which is why I was ready publish my thoughts that were laced smothered in  Eeyore-like self-pity. I wanted to wait until I experienced a change in my health because for all I knew, I'd be feeling like that forever and my posts would sound like a broken record.

The good news is I am not tossing my cookies as often. Formerly it was about 6 or 7 times a day.  Now I am down to 2 or 3. It's quite a relief! I still feel nauseated all day long. Yes, there is a difference between throwing up all day, and feeling like you are going to throw up all day. It's a slight difference, but I can appreciate it. I still lack energy, salivate like a Pavlovian dog 24/7, and have difficult nights, BUT--- I have been able to do more housework and mothering than I have in a while. There is a light!

And really, you shouldn't feel sorry for me.  Case in point:

• Melody, my sister who conveniently lives a half mile from me, has become my 7-11. Well, she started out as my 7-11, and now has evolved into my drop-off daycare and restaurant. I've lost count how many times she's made us dinner, watched and entertained my kids during appointments, or been well-stocked with sprite or ginger ale late at night when I helplessly whine to Kyle for some carbonated drink relief.

• My sweet, sweet neighbors have been dropping by almost like clockwork each week with dinner, flowers, home grown and canned peaches and grape juice. They just seem to know when I need the boost (or when we've run out of leftovers from the last delicious meal that was dropped by) and stop by with a smile.  Each of them have endured difficult pregnancies and their empathy to my condition is priceless.  These women experienced similar pregnancies and share their love and concern for me daily. It's no chance I am among these women to get me through this pregnancy. Really, there is not much worse than chatting with a woman who goes on and on about how great her pregnancies were, how she LOVES being pregnant, and never felt better than when she was pregnant.....you know. And if you are one of those women, I am painfully envious, but do not wish to discuss your pregnancy at this time.

You see? I am in good hands.  My children are understanding and pray daily that I will feel better soon. We are blessed to have another child to bring into our family, and things are going to be okay.

Hopefully things continue to look brighter. :)

hmmmm

(written 12/27/2009)

For the third day in a row, I've felt sick. Like, icky, can't stand the sight of sugar, have no energy to do anything  sick. I even threw away the 22 remaining cupcakes we made for Joesph Smith's birthday last night after the kids went to bed because I couldn't stand the sight of them anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a few theories, I suppose.  My initial thought is-- sugar overload. Now that we've moved into our new home, enjoyed Christmas Eve dinner in our kitchen, and celebrated Christmas perhaps my body is finally screaming, ENOUGH!  Enough with sugar and sweets and no sleep and no exercise.  I so badly want to get up and exercise, but another part of my body is telling me it can't handle it.

Last night, after a day of failure trying to feed my body whatever it was craving -- vegetables of all sorts -- I sat down feeling so gross. And then I had a flashback.   My mouth was filling with saliva, I knew I could vomit if I gave myself the chance, and I felt so "blah;" It was as if I had been taken back in time. Back to the incubation of Savannah.

Pregnancy. Yes, this felt like pregnancy. Like, exactly. When I was expecting Savannah, I loved salads and craved meat and vegetables.  I threw up often, and my mouth was constantly filling with saliva. It was so annoying. I wished I could spend my day in a dentist chair with the suction tube in my mouth. Yes, that would be an ideal way of spending my days. Besides, I had no energy to do anything anyway.

But that's impossible. I had a miscarriage about 6 weeks ago. I was at my doctor's office two weeks ago and took a pregnancy test to make sure I didn't need a D&C. It was negative. And in two weeks, I certainly couldn't be feeling the effects of pregnancy, now could I?  I don't feel them until about the 5th or 6th week.  So, it doesn't make sense.

Kyle told me last night that it would make perfect sense. Both of our kids have been miracles in their own right, so of course, it would make sense that I would be pregnant in the most seemingly impossible of circumstances.

So, if it is pregnancy, I have no idea how to calculate how far along I am.  I am suspcicious that I'll be due right around the time of my 10 year high school reunion. Which I am in charge of. Great.

If it is pregnancy, I would feel relieved about all these annoying symptoms. It's nice to have a reason for feeling like you don't want to do anything.

The first day I felt like this, I thought something was seriously wrong. Like I was depressed, or that something was off. Like, moving into this house was the wrong decision or we were making  a wrong choice about something. It took me until yesterday to clue into the idea that I might actually just be physically ill.

So, I shall go to the store and get a test. It's likely too soon to tell anything. In the mean time, maybe I can stop by my brother-in-law's office and sit in the chair with a suction tube in my mouth to get all this annoying saliva out.

Ack.

productive? I think not.

(Written December 28, 2009)

So I was really productive today and managed the following

1. Grocery shopping.  Well, It started out as an attempt to go grocery shopping and just ended up in a milk, eggs, and pregnancy test run. The smells were way to much for me to handle and I got out of there as fast as I could.
2. I put a load of whites in the washer.
3. I drove to Pizza Hut to pick up dinner.

Really, that's all I did today. Not to mention that Kyle gave me 4 hours alone without the kids. But I did nothing except sit on the couch, sit in bed, and gag over the toilet.
Ugh.

I took a test. The line was ever so faint, but it said I was pregnant.

I'm really confused. I don't know how it's possible, but that's what it says so we'll go with the idea that being so sick is a good sign.

But what about the timing?

So assuming I am about 6 weeks along, I am due the twenty-something of August.  Not October. Which, it's great thinking that I'll be able to be in charge of my class reunion....but I can't but help feel a little whiny. Who wants to be like 6 weeks post-baby at their ten-year reunion?  Ugh. Well,  that will for sure keep me motivated to keep growing out the hair. You know, to elongate the chubby face and all.....

I know I wanted this.

I really did.

It's just hard to be so excited when you feel like such a slouch.
....and so sick....

ecccchhhhh.

I'm calling the doctor tomorrow for some Zofran STAT.
in the mean time, I better go put that load of laundry in the dryer....

White Gold

(Written January 5, 2010)

I decided to just let the puking ride through the new year. I didn't want to bother anyone it being the holidays and figured I'd just endure until the Monday after the holidays.

Mistake.

I picked Kyle up from the airport Sunday morning, for which, he really should get at least a nomination for Husband of the Year. He was in Arizona for a friend's wedding. It was going to be a family affair and we were all going to drive down together stopping along the way to visit family, but due to my current unpleasant condition, I told Kyle to fly there and I'd stay home with the kids.  As luck would have it, the Fiesta Bowl -- Boise State vs. TCU -- was held in Arizona the Monday after the wedding. How convenient!  I told Kyle he should stay another few days and I looked up tickets on e-bay which seemed really reasonable. He was verrrry interested in my suggestion.

In the end, he decided to come home early.  He knew I was sick, and he came home to take care of things.  And oh, there were so many things to take care of...

Sunday night was quite possibly the worst night of my life. I could not stop puking. My throat was so sore and swollen from the numerous times gagging over the toilet and my body was weak, in pain, and miserable.  I've really only wanted to die one other time in my life, and this time trumped it. Kyle kept telling me I should go to the ER.  The thought of relief was appealing, but I was so tired. It was the middle of the night. I preferred my dark cozy bedroom over flourescent lights and being poked and having to stay coherent to answer questions. Besides, if I just held on a few more hours, I could have my doctor's office call in a prescription of white gold for me, saving someone the hassle of coming to stay with the kids while I was admitted.  All I needed was some white gold, and I could stop puking.

After a long night and a very slow-moving morning I walked into my OB's office and pleaded with the front desk receptionist to have the nurse call in a prescription.  I wish it was all that it took, but it turns out, getting the right kind of medication (even though I knew what it was)  was a very complicated process.  About 11 phone calls and two trips to the pharmacy later, I came home with a meager two pills to get me through the night.  

Thank you Mr. Pharmacy guy at Target who took pity on me and gave me 2 pills while I waited for my doctor to convince my insurance company to cover the only medicine I am able to keep down.

As it turned out, if I just paid for the medicine out of pocket, used the pharmacy's discount card and left my insurance company out of it, it was considerably more affordable. Go figure. Last time I was pregnant, I paid 28 dollars PER pill. Out of pocket.  This time, I was able to purchase 40 pills for 55 dollars. (And if I chose to bring my insurance into it, I could get 12 pills for 33 dollars) That's the beauty of competition my friends.  When I was pregnant with Savannah, Zofran ODT, what I affectionately refer to as white gold, still had it's patent on the market for anti-nausea medications. I felt robbed each time I went to the pharmacy to refill a prescription. 400 bucks every time.  But I still did it, because I needed it to survive.  Now the patent has long since worn off and there are generics out there charging a nominal fee for puke-free living.

Mr. Obama, I know you say you want health care for everyone.  The problem with you socializing it is it will take the free market system away, and there won't be competing companies out there willing to make a better drug, cheaper.  There goes the quality, and there goes affordability.  And there goes my chance for SOME drug to work for me.

I guarantee it.

On a lighter note, Kyle did manage to salvage his Monday night by hosting a little Fiesta Bowl Party.  That evening also celebrated the first meal I was able to keep in my stomach in 4 days. It didn't last, as the next day the drug stopped being affective (What?!! Seriously this is a HUGE tragedy).

And finally, we got a surprise visit from the Schmutz family, who was in town from Virginia. It turned out to be a good day.

Woe is me...

(this was written February 1, 2010)

Before I became pregnant, I vowed to myself that I would not drop off the face of the earth when I did get pregnant. I would not let the world revolve around me. I would not morph into a homely lump wishing the days away because I was feeling so miserable.

Yet here I am. Dangling by a few threads from planet earth. The world in this home pretty much revolves around me. I am indeed a homely lump and I wish days away more than I ever care to admit.

How has it affected the kids? Well, here are a few examples:

After a puking session in the bathroom I found Cade crying in the corner on his knees.

Me: What are you doing, honey?
Cade: I'm praying to God that you don't die.
---
One evening I told Savannah to sit on my lap and I'd read her some stories. Her response? Are you gonna frow up on me, Momma?
---
Knelt in Savannah's room for family prayer, Cade volunteered and began to utter the fastest prayer I've ever head. When he finished, I asked why he rushed through so quickly. His response: 'Cause you're probably going to throw up soon and I wanted you to hear all of the prayer.

Oh these poor children.

My house is a wreck. A good portion of the reason I haven't made an effort to get a babysitter and go out with my husband is because it is such a disaster and I would be mortified for anyone to see what we are living in. The remaining portion is because I just feel so sick the idea of going out sounds awful. My family is lucky to get clean clothes to wear out of the laundry baskets. Gone are the days in which I sit and fold the fresh clean clothes from the dryer. Six days out of the week I am wearing sweats or my PJs from the night before. I can't remember the last meal I cooked for my family. I now dread the day I go in and volunteer in Cade's classroom because the kids smell stinky to me and I want to throw up everytime I go in there.

Today I forgot (again) it was early out day, and Cade was late to school. I am turning into that irresponsible, forgetful and absentminded mother. You know, the woman with the children people feel sorry for because she can't keep anything straight.

I really loathe the person I am right now. It's really frustrating. I am a mother, but I'm not doing what a mother does. A mother is supposed to rise before her kids, cheerfully hug them when they wake from their sleep, have a host of wonderful activities planned to engage in for the day, be punctual in dropping them off and picking them up, arrange playdates, cook delicious, wholesome meals, clean, do laundry, be organized, and mostly simply and importantly -- be there for her children. And even if she slips up here and there, she picks right up the next day and gives it another shot. I am far from there. It seems like it will be months before I can attempt to even be half the mother I was before this. I want to cry the mornings Kyle leaves and I have to face the day without his help. Sometimes I do.

Nights are the most difficult for me. It's hard to fall asleep, although my body is just aching for sleep every night. I want it so bad, but night is usually when I feel the sickest and require the most concentration to not throw up. I usually do throw up in a moment of weakness, when I've focused more on trying to sleep than to keep my food down. I then have to go downstairs and find something to eat if I want to sleep, because 10 times out of 10, I will throw up on an empty stomach. Sometimes after I've eaten after throwing up, I throw that up, too. And then I just give up and stay in bed because I am so tired. I am soon awaken by the wrath of an angry stomach and the bile left in me is purged out. It's so gross and it burns my throat. When I do finally fall asleep on a non-empty stomach, (though it's never full) it rarely feels restful, because my dreams are so vivid.

The dreams at night are getting strange. One night I dreamt that all my teeth fell out, which is quite fitting because I've been so worried lately about all the juice and soda I've been drinking. Though I thirst desperately for it, water is the hardest liquid on my stomach. Between all the soda, juice and the acid from the puking, I just know I am rotting my teeth out. In my dream I woke up to find all of my teeth on my pillow.. Naturally I was horrified and I called a dentist and made an appointment right away. When I arrived, it turned out my dentist wanted to teach me how to swim at a swimming pool at her office rather than fix my teeth. I was rather irritated because I already knew how to swim. I woke up feeling quite frustrated with the world.

Another night I dreamt Nie Nie and I were sitting in her family room, talking about our current trials. I whined, "I don't do anything for my family anymore. I just lie around and wait to get better while my husband does everything around here. It's so frustrating!"

Stephanie responded with a knowing nod and said, "I know. Same for me. Life goes on while I heal and I can't do those things for my children that I so cherished when I was well. But we have to take care of our bodies and let them rest, so when they are well, we can do what we miss so much." It seemed so real and when I woke up, it took a minute for me to decipher if that really happened. There was much truth in what she said. It really is amazing how people can touch our lives and share poetic advice and they don't even know they are doing it.

I do have good moments and I even had two good days in Virginia while away. Good, meaning I didn't throw up. I certainly felt like I was going to throw up, didn't have much energy, and just felt generally blech. But I didn't throw up. Two days! Not in a row of course, but 2 days out of a 5 day vacation I will certainly be grateful for.

My children are accutely aware of my condition. When I picked Savannah up from nursery on Sunday she held up a little book she made and squealed, "Mom, look! I colored you a picture so you don't throw up!" So precious. Cade would have a friend over to play every day if he could. Some days when he gets home from school he'll say, "Mom! Can I invite a friend over to play? Oh yah. Dad's not here, and you're sick. Maybe tomorrow." And then he'll go play with his legos or color contendedly. It's really heartwarming to see him deal with our new life with such understanding beyond his years.

Usually by now I have some great epiphanic thought to tie this all up and make it a teaching moment and share what a better person I am because of this. Not today. Today I just wallow and have nothing to offer but this pity party. My apologies.

Maybe it's Time for a New Blog URL?

Just maybe. When Kyle chose the domain for our blog, "woodburysfour" my first thought was, wow, that's kind of final, isn't it? Savannah wasn't born yet, but had made her upcoming debut very well known through my ever-growing belly and a series of uncomfortable symptoms in my pregnancy. So Kyle did have some foresight. Thinking we'd be a family of four was thinking ahead. A bit. I guess I do have to give him some credit. I swore to him and my family members numerous times I couldn't imagine being pregnant EVER again once I had given birth to her. So Woodburys Four could be it?

A few years later we decided our family wasn't complete and tried (and failed) to change that. I decided to move on and remain positive and leave it in the Lord's hands. I went on a cruise, packed up and moved into a new home...and it seems so uncanny now how the Lord works. Well, uncanny isn't exactly the right word. Miraculous and perfect. The Lord gave me just enough time to unpack and organize the essentials to our every-day living and have a delightful and memorable Christmas in our new home, before my life was over as I knew it.

The very DAY after Christmas, the symptoms set in. A few days later Kyle was absolutely certain I was pregnant. I thought it was impossible to get pregnant so soon after a miscarriage, but Kyle pointed out, each of our children have been miracles in their own right--- it would only make perfect sense for our next one to be one as well.

And sure enough, I was pregnant. And, 6 weeks later, I still am pregnant.

(or as Kyle loves to tease, "we're pregnant")

Aside from wanting to wait the token 12 weeks before announcing this to the virtual world, it's been pretty well-known to people I see in person. I'd prefer it that way. I'd rather not have to explain my homely appearance or the popped blood vessels on my face. When others know my condition, no explanation is needed. No denial of depression is necessary. It really makes my life easier. Granted, I wasn't expecting it to be announced as soon as it was. Cade, unbenownced to Kyle and I, figured out the reason I was so sick was because I was expecting a baby. He proudly announced it to his primary teacher that Sunday, who loudly congratulated me at a church function in which several women were within earshot, so that's when it was announced to my circle of neighbors and friends and they have been amazingly supportive. I'm so grateful Cade was so intuitive!

So on to answering your questions. How far along am I? I am 12 weeks. Due August 21st. Yes, I plan on getting an epidural and very much look forward to it.

Yes, have felt sick. I have felt like death since December 26th. What is death? Well, I have been miserable. Very miserable. Lots of puking, feeling like puking, and no energy to do anything of merit.

Yes, I have tried half a unisom and Vitamin B6. I've tried Zofran. I've tried other drugs I can't spell properly. I've tried the motion sickness bands. Yes, I've tried sucking on limes, eating crackers all the time, and ginger lollipops, ginger candy, ginger ale.... Unfortunately this time around, nothing has even seemed to take the edge off the vomiting. It's quite simply almost unbearable.

How long does this last? Umm....usually until I get my epidural. That's when the discomfort, nausea and vomiting subsides. Which is also why I am very much looking forward to it. It's a ways away, so for now, I take it a day, sometimes just an hour, at a time.

One thing we've discovered that helps is if I lay in bed all day. I actually don't throw up very often if I do that. But really, how realistic is that? :)

Despite the misery, I promise I am looking forward to having another child. I mean, if it wasn't worth it, I really would not subject myself to this willingly for the third time!

But the days are really hard, and I'm quite thoroughly an unpleasant person to be around.

Kyle has been absolutely wonderful. If I were married to me, I would not be wonderful. I'm not kidding. I would be horrible and go nuts if I was stuck with me. But Kyle is ever-so-patient with me and realizes my state really is temporary (though for me it is feeling like eternity!), so in the mean time, he does it all. The cooking, the cleaning, getting the kids ready, playing with the kids, dishes, grocery shopping....and on and on. We are in total survival mode in the Woodbury house and are really just getting by, but he doesn't seem to mind. Not to mention Cade and Savvy. They are being angelically understanding of their sick mommy who is perpetually tired and worthless, and yet they still love me. Unconditional love is a wonderful thing!

I've written a series of unpublished posts while enduring this pregnancy, and they are all quite miserable and depressing things to read. Hopefully with this being my official coming out announcement, I'm a lot more positive than I have been in those posts. Real, but positive. :)

Here's to the Woodbury's Five.

Thanks for nothing, Marshall

Saturday night my folks got Kyle and I out on our first date since we moved into the house. It was great! We headed to one of our favorite nostalgic spots-- the Marriott Center -- to watch the BYU vs. Utah basketball game. Going to the ultimate rival game was certainly a recipe for entertainment, but the players really exceeded my expectations . BYU really took off with a nice lead and I was excited with the prospect of free chocolate cake. If BYU scored at least 80 points, Magleby's would give out free chocolate cake with your game ticket within 48 hours of the game.

Yes, really. You would have thought they consulted me for that great idea.

With about 34 seconds left in the game, BYU had 78 points, and I had almost lost hope. But then Utah's Marshall Henderson got a little physical after a call was made that he was less than thrilled about and not only threw a basketball, but also hit BYU's Jackson Emery in the face. (you can watch it here with the main action happening between 1:05- 1:19)

Marshall was ejected from the game and we got some foul shots. Final score: BYU 82- UTAH 69.

On Monday evening we headed to Magelby's excited to continue to celebrate the win. Instead, we were told they were out of the chocolate cake.

And to think I was almost grateful for Marshall's poor sportsmanship.