Cade worries...

Cade has such a tender heart. He is really thoughtful and sensitive. I love these qualities in him, yet I wonder if his sensitivity teeters to the extreme side, hindering his ability to simply enjoy life and look forward to things. Over the last year, I have noticed Cade expressing deep concerns over things that.... well, I just don't think preoccupies your average preschooler's thoughts.

For instance, this was a conversation that took place in the car today:

Cade: Mom, I'm kind of very sad right now.
Me: Why are you sad, hon?
Cade: I'm scared to drive when I'm big because I might crash.
Me: You will have lots of practice before you are allowed to drive. When you drive, you will be a very safe driver.
Cade: I'm still scared I might crash somebody. I don't want to drive when I'm big. Oh, Mom!

---
This was another conversation we had a while back:

Cade: Mom, I don't think I can be a missionary.
Me: Why's that?
Cade: Because, when I'm a missionary, I won't know where to drive. I won't know where to go.
Me: Well, when you're big you'll learn how to read maps, follow directions, and I bet you'll even have your own GPS, too.
Cade: But I think it's too hard, Mom. That will be so scary to drive. Will you come with me on my mission?

---
These are typical conversations we have, Cade and I. Yes, very run-of-the-mill, every day shoot-the-breeze-ish type topics we discuss. I fear my poor child is going to have an ulcer before he makes it to first grade. I can't believe he's really investing his emotions while thinking about this stuff.

Is this normal? I mean, I know there is a wide range of normal. I guess I am wondering if this type of behavior could indicate that we'll be dealing with anxiety issues in the future.

Heaven help him should he turn into his mother.

Settling in and coming clean

Now that the poll is closed, I suppose it is time to come clean with the truth. The results were pretty close, but in the end the majority won out. It's hard to say if the voters had pegged me for a lead foot, or if they had read Kyle's leak on facebook. He divulged the truth in a status comment "by accident". Tsk tsk.

Yeah, I got pulled over in Wyoming.

My car was set on cruise control, and my foot out of instinct had found itself on the gas. As soon as I noticed what I was doing, I looked down at the speedometer, saw I was going faster than I meant to and immediately slowed down. Not even a second later looked in my rear-view mirror to find the flashing lights. It really happened that fast. It was one of those unintentional speeding moments and I got caught.

If I were to get pulled over, I should think it to happen this way: Zoom down the freeway very intentionally, probably a result of me running late. Spot a state trooper parked in the median and immediately hit the brakes. Pray the cop wasn't clocking me. Check the rear view mirror every other second. 30 seconds later, see the flashing lights and feel indescribably sheepish. Perhaps some of you can relate with this scenerio, with the exception of my mother. Up until a few years ago she had never received a ticket.

Fortunately the officer was pleasant, contrary to the stereotypical Wyoming officer when pulling over out-of-staters (not that I would know. Kyle is more experienced in getting pulled over in Wyoming). He asked me where I had come from and where I was going. He then requested my license and told me to sit tight, that Chicago wasn't going anywhere. He came back with an "official written reminder" for me to slow down and sent me on my way. Confused, I read the paper. The offical written reminder was a warning. I could not believe my good fortune. This sort of thing never happens to me. Ever. I'm the one that gets a ticket for going FIVE over on the i-15. I'm the one that gets a ticket for a rolling stop exactly ten feet from my destination. Getting a warning really lifted my spirits for the rest of the trip. I am happy to report that the rest of the trip was pull-over free.

We're finally getting settled here in our little apartment. With all the rain we've been getting lately, I've been forced to stare at the chaos inside. Chaos has an uncanny ability to make me cranky. I took pity on my kids and husband, and finally decided to unpack and put everything away. Everyone is happy now. It boggles my mind how we arrived here with like one-twentieth of the belongings we had to unpack in Boise, and it has taken me the same amount of time to settle in. If I were a math whiz I could perhaps come up with a brilliant equation explaining that. But I am not a math whiz, so I've narrowed the causes down to the following possible excuses:

a. Kyle is no longer available to help preoccupy the kids
b. The thought of unpacking is so very disheartening. Knowing full well that in just a few months I'll be packing the stuff up again can cause anyone to drag their feet..
c. Good weather. We had some beautiful afternoons last week, so I was really able to successfully avoid the dysfunction inside.
d. I've been too busy cooking gourmet meals to worry about unpacking
e. I've been to busy baking chocolate cakes to unpack.

If anyone knows me d is not a feasble excuse. E is certainly a possibility, sadly not the truth though. We fixed that problem and baked a cake this afternoon. It is a bummer kyle's not around, but even in my few spare hours I avoided unpacking like the plague. B and C are the most likely options. Here's a little of what we were up to before the rains came:

Cade has taken ownership of the pink Hotwheel. He's convinced it's faster and it has a number 5 sticker on it. Thankfully (and surprisingly) Savannah doesn't care.

Cade is reunited with his beloved Jeep.

Savvy loves to pretend she's flying on the swings.

watering the "flowers"

Playing by the creek.

cade felt it very important to not forget about the bushes, so he watered them.


Question--- My kids need rain boots. Like yesterday. I have decided they are absolutely necessary. I don't care if they play in the rain and mud, I just don't want to spend the rest of my days washing their shoes or getting the mud off their pants. I only checked out Target and they did not carry toddler sized ones. Help! Where should I go?
Thanks!

Another Interview With Katie Couric *updated with a photo from the aired segment!*

Victory! Based on the response regarding last night's Nebraska post, it has come to my attention that there very well may be a silent majority. I am thrilled to discover that driving through the Great Plains may not be despised as much as I thought. Nebraska thanks you for your support.

Now how's this for some weirdness: for some strangely bizarre (my newswriting professor would strike those two words and punish me for using them together) reason my family manages to stay on any prominent news caster's radar. Our lives are so adventurous I suppose. You know, with all the packing, unpacking and submitting change of address forms to the post office? Yup, our every-day going-ons seem to be riveting to such a degree that we again have been interviewed about our current living situation as well as our future living situation.

It seems that the general public is a little confused (and rightfully so) as to our whereabouts and whyabouts. This is a transcription of my interview with Katie. Of course, I was wearing a fabulous outfit, my makeup was applied by professionals so well that even my cold sore didn't show up on the big screen. Take a look for yourself:

Not bad, eh?

Katie: So, you and your family left Boise?
Me: Yes.
Katie: Where are you living now?
Me: Well, we decided it would be fun to stalk the woman who purchased our home back in Chicago, so we moved across the street from our old house and are renting out fabulous neighbor Barb's basement apartment.
Katie: That's kind of creepy, you stalking your buyer.
Me: Kidding, Katie. Totally kidding.
Katie: Oh, I knew that.
Me: (courtesy grin and chuckle)
Katie: But you really are living across the street from the home you just sold a few months ago?

Me: Yes, it's perfect! When we owned our home here I complained endlessly about the giant yard and all the work associated with it. Kyle and the kids always loved the land for digging around in the dirt, riding their bikes and jeeps through it, that stuff. It was just that the yard work was overwhelming and I was far from capable of singlehandedly keeping it looking good. Even decent. Living here I get the best of both worlds. A huge yard for the kids to play in complete with a playset and a cute little dog to chase around, and then the fabulous Jose comes over every week and mows, plants bulbs, mulches, and all that other fun stuff. So now when I gaze out my kitchen window, I am free to think "Oh what a lovely day it is. We should go out and play" and not, "Oh darn, it's sunny. I guess that means I'm supposed to take advantage of the weather and get the yard cleaned up before it rains."
Katie: I see. So how long do you plan on living in the Chicago area?
Me: For me, through the end of July. Then I will head out to Utah and find a rental home for us and register Cade for kindergarten. (Eyes fill up with tears. I fake a sneeze to cover up the emotions).
Katie: And Kyle?
Me: He'll stay for the remainder of the summer and come back late August, early September.
Katie: Are you nervous to make that move by yourself?
Me: Well, not so much. The hard work has been done. We didn't bring too much to Barb's since her place is fully furnished, complete with dishes, bedding, towels, and a his and hers Hotwheels! Most of our stuff we left in the storage unit in Provo. The tricky part is getting my kids to Utah. I am not too keen on driving them both to Chicago on my own. One child is doable. Both? That's like agreeing to letting a hyper monkey, an angry tiger, and a laughing hyena in your backseat while you drive 24 hours. So, I'll probably fly out there and drop them off with my mom (who is a better mother to my children than I am) and fly back and drive the car out there and get the essentials out of the storage unit and set up home base.
Katie: Do you know where in Provo you will live?
Me: I don't know. It may not even be Provo. Utah County probably. Of course, you have to keep in mind there's a 1% chance that something crazy will happen and we don't move to Utah and we end up somewhere like Madagascar, the Orient, or somewhere in the Middle East. Yes, one must always keep that in mind. And then there's Kyle who thinks we're moving to South Jordan soley based on the fact that it houses the one and only Lifetime Fitness Center in the entire state of Utah. To him it's a no-brainer.
Katie: What are you looking forward to when you move to Utah County?
Me: Hmmm. Definitely living by family will be fun. My sister has lofty goals for domesticating me when I move there and I look forward to that. I also look forward to finally being able to visit with my college friends and roomies who live there. I always kick myself every time I go to Utah for not visiting close friends and extended family. And of course, living close to the beloved Alma Mater, BYU, is going to be great. Love the bookstore. Love the flowers planted every season in front of the library. Love it all.
Katie: What else?
Me: Living close to a temple will be great, too. Oh yeah, and I will start learning how to incorporate that enormous amount of food storage we have into our weekly diet.
Katie: You mentioned you were going to look for a rental. Are you not going to buy?
Me: Not yet. We'll be looking. Until we're sure of where we want to be, we'll rent. It's a great time to buy, but an awful time to sell, so we want to make sure we won't be needing to sell anytime in the near future before we purchase something.
Katie: What will you do this summer?
Me: (getting antsy and looking around. this interview is lasting a long time....) umm, go to the community pool and parks. Run, go to the Taj Mahal to work out, play outside with the chillens, prep Caders for kindergarten, organize our storage unit we have here in Chicago, make a bunch of runs to Goodwill, organize our photos, really the list is endless. I'll be enlisting Emily S. to help me choose the best school district to find our home in. And of course, there will be many chocolate cakes baked.
Katie: Yes, chocolate cakes. And Kyle? What will he be doing? What will his hours be?
Me: The usual-- selling pest control, training the sales reps, solving problems. Living his dream job. He'll leave in the morning and come home at night, six days a week.
Katie: Well, thanks for answering our questions, I have so many more. Your lives are so interesting! We'll be in touch soon.
Me: Thanks, Katie. I'm curious though.
Katie: About what?
Me: If you'll edit this interview the same way you guys edited Palin's interview with you. I don't need assistance from you and your team to look like an uninformed airhead. I do that well enough on my own.
Katie: Ah, well. We'll see!
---
Any Questions?

okay, okay. the above brunette is in fact, not me. the photo came as a courtesy from http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n19/cpolo/housewife.jpg

the minority speaks out

A fabulous thanks to our photographers Katie and Aaron Torriente (love that last name. It's so exotic) for doing our photo shoot. The very next day Katie already had some pics of us posted on her web site. If our huge header photo isn't enough for you, you can see more shots of us here. In the mean time, add booking the Torrientes for your family photo shoot to your to-do list the next time you travel through Utah. Don't be like me, though. Be punctual.

As a side note, it's a really good thing we had pictures taken Friday. Saturday I woke up with a cold sore and a bunch of facial blemishes. Photo shop is probably one of the world's greatest inventions (next to chocolate cake), but I'd rather Katie have to use it for the mud Savvy got on her tights. I swear I already went through this awkward stage in middle school, but my face says otherwise. I really don't think it's fair when stress makes itself manifest all over my face. Isn't being stressed bad enough? I really don't think it's necessary to have reminders all over my face that life isn't particularly relaxing at the moment.....

On to the real reason for posting....
A word about Nebraska. Many caring friends have offered me their condolences for having to drive through the "barren mid-west"... it cracks me up. Here's an excerpt of an e-mail I received regarding my drive.

NEBRASKA!?!?!?! ...that is THE most flat, empty, desolate, flat,
empty...did I mention desolate????

Truth be told, I love driving through Nebraska. I would put it on my top 3 favorite states to drive through. Having grown up in Virginia, a state filled with innumerable trees, I have developed a strong appreciation for wide, open spaces. I think the trees and hills and Blue Ridge Mountains are nice and all, but driving down the freeway with the trees so thick I can't see beyond a few yards in either direction makes me feel cornered and claustrophobic.

While driving through Nebraska, I feel anything but claustrophobic. The blue sky with big, puffy clouds against the golden fields that just go on for miles and miles gives me a sense of indescribable freedom. The scenery of old farmhouses along the freeway peppered by a few cottonwood trees here and there is beautiful and real. Driving through I feel so free to think, dream, ponder, wonder, and just feel. I love it.

You can't deny the beauty of this landscape:




[both photos courtesy of http://ad3065.k12.sd.us/State/Photo_Album.htm ]

I doubt it if very many of you share the same sentiment. So, the next time you find yourself on a road trip traveling through Nebraska, just promise me you'll try not to give it such a hard time. Nebraska has feelings, too.

So.....what's your favorite state to drive through?

Happy Anniversary Michelle

Today is our 6th anniversary. We spent our time today romantically traveling in separate vehicles through Wyoming and Nebraska. (I think I saw you once stopped off to the side of the road helping Savvy) Sweetie, I love you more than anything.

i'm tired

we did it. at 9:22 pm thursday night i closed the door to our 2nd home of the year and kyle pulled the door shut on the back of the truck. we slept at the red lion hotel which was the best thirty-seven dollars we ever spent. thank you, priceline.

if it hadn't been for the help from gramma berry to rescue the kids from the moving monotony, our fabulous neighborhood babysitter, eager-to-serve missionaries, the ever-dependable brother jason, and a surprise visit from sister kropf (she's brenda, but there's something about your young women's leader from your youth that just makes it hard to call them by their first name), we would have been there well past midnight. fortunately that was not the case. because, after all, we needed our beauty rest.

why the beauty rest? because i scheduled family pictures for the next day. yes, the next day also being moving day. the day being the day we drive 6 hours to provo to unload everything we had just loaded. i don't know what i was thinking. kyle was a good sport and went with the idea full knowing we had plenty going on outside of the realm of getting ourselves prettied up to snap some photos. as we all know, family pictures are a stress in an of itself. so why combine the two most stressful things for a family and schedule them back to back?

i suppose it was partly done out of desperation, partly a result of procrastination, and partly because I needed a reason to pack and get out of that house. if i didn't have an appointment to make, i would have probably drug my feet the whole move and i'd still be in the condo cleaning out the microwave right now. the whole idea came about when i was blog stalking a friend of a friend who has a photography business. i knew her in college and have been keeping up with her via the blog scene for a while. she had just posted some pics of a recent photo shoot and i was in love. i decided she needed to take our pics. so i called her, she was available, and it was done!

we left the red lion this morning a little after 8. kyle driving the truck, me in the beloved subie. after doing some calculations in my head, i decided it would be best to give ourselves an extra hour so i called the photographer and said 5 would be better than 4.

2:30pm --kyle bee-lined it for the storage unit in provo (we can't tell you which one. wouldn't want all our food storage to be stolen, remember?) where he was met by some fabulous free labor: randy, tyrel, brian, and jake. [thank you, fellas!]

3:40 pm i met kyle when there were about 4 boxes left so i could do my token back-breaking labor and appear like i helped.

4:07pm, we pulled out of the storage unit. i was getting antsy.

4: 16 pm we dropped off the truck. i was getting impatient and calculating exactly how long it would take me to tame the snarls in savannah's hair, iron our clothes, put on make-up....

I texted the photographer: we'll be ready closer to 5:15. sorry!

4:27pm we are still at u-haul. i'm pacing, sweating beads, and looking at all the work that has to be done on myself and my sticky faced kids to get camera-ready and we were nowhere near ready to go. at this point i was wishing i was a celebrity with a crew of beauticians at my disposal.
what was taking so long?

i peeked my head in the uhaul office and found that kyle had decided to kill two birds with one stone. not only was he signing paperwork for dropping off the truck, but he was also arranging pick up for the little trailer we were taking with us to chicago. any other day would have been fine, but this was picture day and I had about 6 minutes to get ready.

4:32 trailer is hitched to subaru. ready to drive away when the inspector reminded us we needed to test all the tail lights.

4:37 rehitching a different trailer to the subaru. lights didn't work. ahhh!

meanwhile katie texted back: just call when you are heading out and ready.

bless her! i think we finally arrived at my sister's house (aka woodbury photo shoot dressing room) at 5. i hurriedly thrust all the kids' outfits options at my sister and begged her opinion. meanwhile, she ironed my clothes and found me a necklace to wear. the lifesaver she always is, that girl.

5:09pm kyle appears, not wearing the shirt i had picked out for him. "uhhh, it's packed somewhere, sorry."

5:45pm we were running out the door and i my sister stopped me to tell me to take a deep breath. "it's going to be fine! you are ready and everyone looks great!" i was really beginning to wonder what on EARTH was i thinking???

when we finally connected with the photographers, katie and aaron, the weight lifted off my shoulders. the rest was up to them. i did my part. i got us there in coordinating outfits, combed hair, and wiped noses. they took over and were fabulous. they were so patient with the kids who do not stand still for ANYTHING, not even the ginormous bag of easter candy we brought to bribe them.

i am really excited to see how they turned out. having survived the day, i would do it again. weird, i know, but it all worked out.

i'm just pooped.

good night!

The Reality of our "food storage" myth

Last week my wife made a blog post about me having an insane amount of food storage. You can read her post here. I decided that I too would take a picture the the entire amount of food storage we purchased. Here it is:

avoiding packing makes you do crazy things

Just wanted to update ya'll that I'm still doing a great job of procrastinating my move. I even made dinner tonight. Usually packing calls for a total by on cooking, but for me, today it sounded like a great idea. My excuse was needing to use up our frozen chicken and cream cheese, so I came up with this interesting concoction and tossed these in my slow cooker:

1 can diced tomatoes
1 can cream of chicken soup
a few frozen chicken breasts (more is better, we just didn't have much left)
a brick of cream cheese, cubed
1/2 cup of water

salt and pepper added to taste with some garlic pepper as well

you should probably set the cooker to low for 8 hours but I kind of threw this together at the last minute and did 4 hours on high and it turned out okay. real chefs would probably beg to differ, but when you're low on time, you're low on time.

I also dug some frozen broccoli out of the freezer and steamed it while I had rice in the cooker. I got even more ambitious and opened my box of tastefully simple's bountiful beer bread and made some bread. I used sprite instead of beer since the last time I had a can of beer in my fridge was never.

I shredded the chicken and poured it over rice. It's kind of a soupy mixture. If you want it less soupy, add less water and more chicken.

Nothing fancy, probably the equivalent of a hobo dinner, but it fed my family and will probably feed us for the rest of the week. So now I guess I really should pack up the kitchen...

still me

I knew when we moved to Idaho for these 2.75 months my life would be simplified. For starters, my circle of friends here is much smaller. In fact, there aren't even enough to form a circle. My responsibilities to my ward, the community, and other organizations all vanished from my plate. No home showings to stress about (translation: Total slackation on my housekeeping). It has been a while since my life has been this way and I promised to myself I would enjoy and make the most of every minute of this new, yet temporary life.

Lots of traveling took place during this little window. I went to New York City with a girlfriend, visited my Grandma in Idaho Falls a couple times, and made it down to see my family and friends a couple of times, too. We just finished a weekend by Robie Creek with Kyle's family as well. My children have been able to spend a lot of time with their cousins, grandparents and great grandparents. That is priceless. I also was able to spend time on the relationships important to me as well.

I've also managed to hit the slopes 4 times and have been training for a half marathon (started as a full marathon, but couldn't hack the full thing). I've read some wonderful books, and delved deeper into the scriptures. I've spent wonderful days with my children at the park, unstrained by a schedule.

It's bittersweet for this "simple" time in my life to be over. Today as I reflect on Easter, my relationship with the Savior, and all that He sacrificed for me, I realize why it feels more bitter than sweet to be parting with the simple life. I had higher expectations for myself. I really wanted to transform myself into someone new during this time. I built upon my relationships with friends and family, formed a few good habits, but I guess I thought come mid-April, I would look in the mirror and see a new me.

But I'm still me. I still hate rising early. I still don't like cooking. I still procrastinate. I still speak before I think. I still stay up way too late. I still lack patience. And a lot of other things, but I'd rather not dwell on all of my shortcomings. :)

I think about the Savior and all he was able to accomplish in his short life, and I am humbled. I am reminded that in every moment of his life He was teaching, giving, and sacrificing. I realize the best way to transorm ourselves, is to give of ourselves. We don't need a vacation from our busy lives to develop all the perfect traits we desire to have. In our everyday, stressful lives, that is when our true character shines and that is when we are truly tested. I suppose that is why I feel that twinge of disappointment in myself. When I've had more time-consuming callings in the church, I found it was so much easier to serve others. It came so natural. The opportunities knocked at my door. Being here I've certainly been selfish. I wouldn't trade the sweet quiet moments I've shared with my children, the time with my dear family and cherished friends. But I would have worked harder to emulate the Lord and sacrificed more of myself. In the end, we always feel better about ourselves when we lose ourselves in work that benefits others.

Thank goodness for tomorrows.

The Vacation's Over

What we've been up to the last few months. now I get to dream about these days and start packing...
Easter Egg hunt at the Butterfield's cabin

Aunt Heather helping Cade check out his loot


Hide and go seek with Savvy and Cade

Taking a hot cocoa break after a couple runs on the slopes. This was the perfect day.

My little boy turned five. He loves getting cards from the Greats. It's always the first thing he opens.


We have a park in our backyard. We've loved it.


Trying out his new scooter. Thanks for the Thomas T-shirt, by the way Gramma!

All tuckered out from playing soccer.

Cade played fetch with this dog for a very long time. No, we're still not getting one. I love borrowing other people's pets and giving them back when we're done.

Ouch!

In front of our house on a windy day.

My idea of paradise: snow as far as the eye can see.

Two Pranks

I enjoy a good prank. Here are two that I have recently enjoyed watching:

Oh the Irony

(by michelle)
Time for something a little less melancholy, don't you think?

Now that we are rounding the bend on yet another move I have to laugh at the irony my nomadic life is faced with (the laugh happens after a big gulp, scream, sigh, cry, whine and wail).

Take this truck for instance.

This was parked in front of my driveway last week. Isn't it a nice, roomy truck? I would like to have a truck of this size to move all my belongings. There would be no need to stress if everything could fit. Everything would fit in this truck. I would also like a nice driver like this truck has. Then I could drive a car and my husband could drive a car. No need to tow a car. We could just each take a car and the nice truck driver could drive our belongings wherever needed.

Alas, I don't have a big truck or a nice driver to move me. Instead, I had this nice truck and driver drop off goods. Lots of them. I am afraid to take a picture of how much stuff he dropped off for fear of the following:

1. We'd be the laughing stock of the country. Or at least the blogosphere.
2. If we were faced with a disaster our lives would be in danger if our neighbors knew all that we had

Let me explain further. Despite the fact that where we are currently living is very temporary, and that we are soon moving to Chicago which will also be temporary, for some strange reason the food storage slash be prepared bug has bitten my husband. Very badly.

This is how bad: On one of Kyle's recruiting trips to Utah, he decided to purchase an insane amount of food and other necessities to bulk our currently lacking food storage from Shelf Reliance. He purchased so much stuff that it had to be delieved by that giant truck pictured above.

This puts me in a pickle. While I am grateful Kyle has agreed that we need to be more prepared, and has gone further than just worry and talk about it, we now are presented with where do we store it question? We do not have a basement, nor will we have a basement in Chicago during our temporary residence. So this food will be stored in a location far from where we are living for a few months. Should we need this food storage between April and August we will be out of luck. Which then leads me to the question, why buy now instead of at the end of the summer? Who knows.

To justify this we can hope the economy sinks even deeper and wait for inflation to set in. Food prices will rise and we will have gotten a heck of a deal on food.

Or things can stay stagnant-- not really get better or worse and come August we'll be settled in homestead #3 for the year and have a place to store and use our food storage not too far from the kitchen. We will have paid not only to transport our food twice, but also store it while we are away.

All I can do is laugh.

On a less sarcastic note, we are very impressed with Shelf Reliance. They have fabulous customer service and sat with Kyle and helped him map out what we needed. Though I haven't tasted or tested anything except for my hand powered wheat/rice/other grain grinder, I'm pleased with it all and give the place two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Come September I can give you more in-depth reviews.

Because I knew you....

[I've heard it said ....That people come into our lives for a reason.... Bringing something we must learn ....And we are led....To those who help us most to grow ....If we let them ...And we help them in return ....Well, I don't know if I believe that's true .....But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you....]

--wicked soundtrack

I've been feeling a little reminiscent lately. I usually do this time of year. My thoughts are turned back to the time when my life changed drastically. For the better. My perspective, my experience, my love, my gratitude all increased beyond measure because of this time. It is amazing to me what a mere 3 months of my life has done to make me who I am. Unfortunately, it is also easy for me to get caught up in my life and forget about that period in my life, so I am always grateful when my thoughts are turned back to the time when dozens of little children who had nothing taught me so much.





Six years ago, at 20 years old, I had recently returned home from living in Quito, Ecuador with house full of similar aged girls volunteering in orphanages surrounding the city. I was engaged to Kyle at the time. While I was so excited for our marriage just a few weeks away, I was torn about leaving the children.


I had spent the last three months of my life planning activities, taking kids to the park, teaching children English, and developing relationships with the most amazing children on earth. It was there that I had my first cloth diaper experience. I had my first up-in-the-middle-of-the-night to feed the baby experience, and instead of just for one, it was for 20. It was there I stayed up all night at a hospital with a sick infant praying she'd make it through the night. It was there for the first time I counseled and cried with two young sisters who lost their mother and were abandoned by their father. At 20 years old I learned about love and where true happiness comes from because these sweet children loved so freely and gave of themselves so much, although they had so little. No toys or clothes to call their own. No parents to call their own. But they still smiled, loved and gave because they knew the secret to life that so many of us are still searching for: Happiness is a choice that comes from within, despite the circumstances surrounding you.

I sobbed and sobbed on the plane ride home. While I was so excited to be reunited with Kyle after being apart for so long, my heart broke and I was leaving a big part of it there. Months later after I married I often stayed up at night thinking about the little mother-less souls. Who would love them? Who would teach them? Who would bathe them, laugh with them? The tears would turn to prayers and I prayed for those sweet children every night. When we moved to Chicago, I had multiple opportunities to see Wicked, the Musical. The song "For Good" encompasses the deep feelings of emotion and gratitude I have for these children. Each time I hear that song I can't help but get a little weepy thinking about those sweet souls who changed me for the better.

A year ago I had the opportunity to go back and spend a week in Quito and stay in the house rented by the same humanarian organization I worked for, OSSO (Orphanage Support Services Organization). Kyle's sister had volunteered in Quito with the organization and I went down to "bring her home." It was overwhelming in so many ways. I went back to visit a couple of the orphanages and only 2 children of the dozens and dozens I had loved and bathed and played with were still there. Sadly, it wasn't because they had all been adopted. The others were gone because they had been moved to other orphanages, or they had reached the age of 18 and were on their own. There was no way of tracking any of them down. My heart ached to see a familiar face, or to hear a familiar "Hola Michelita!!!" but instead the orphanages were filled with more children under the same disappointing circumstances of being without a loving family. The healing grace in my visit was being surrounded by several volunteers who were living in Quito and loving the "new" orphans just as I had loved mine. I left Quito with a feeling of peace and hope knowing that even though I couldn't be there, there would be volunteers to do what I had done.

To this day there remains a special bond with the girls I lived with in Ecuador and nothing, not even time, could change that special connection we share with each other. I stay in regular contact with OSSO and get updates on the children, their facilities and the volunteers. I send a check once or twice a year to help with supplies or whatever is needed, I buy the hand-made cards created by the troubled teens at one of the orphanages I used to work in and think back to their little room that they took scraps of paper and made their own paper. They pressed flowers and created beautiful designs, each unique.

Recently I received a newsletter from OSSO and the news broke my heart. The hope that I felt a year ago was diminished. The failing economy has affected the number of volunteers and the organaization is desperate for more. Also, the dollar contributions which they depend so heavily upon to support the orphanages has dropped drastically.

Now that I have my own little family here, it isn't as easy to drop anchor and head down to South America....for now anyway. My small checks and purchases of the cards are just little ways for me to cope with being away, and nothing can replace being there. I wish I could be there.

It is my hope that more people find out about this opportunity and are able to volunteer, or find those who can. The very least I can do is offer to assist in sponsoring someone to go down there. The experience is amazing. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the best thing I have ever done. If any of you know someone who may be looking for this type of experience, send them my way. I'd love to tell them about this opportunity. Speaking Spanish is helpful, but not required. Just the desire to serve and love unconditionally.

OSSO's website is here. If you'd like to see those beautiful hand made cards you can go here.

To learn more about the volunteer experience, go here. And if you would like to donate, go here.


It would mean the world to me if you could help spread the word.
Thank you.