Sunday, November 3, 2013

What's it reeeeally like?

Having a new baby is heavenly, delicious, miraculous and wonderful.

There's also a reality that we sometimes would prefer to forget about.  There's the obvious--- you are likely walking around in a sleep-deprived stupor most of the day and making very little sense when trying to converse with anyone above the age of 3. Since laundry doesn't do itself (bummer) it can easily sit in the baskets for days before making it to the bedrooms, if you're even successful enough to get the clothes into the washer and dryer in the first place. Okay, so that was how I rolled even before the baby came, but still. Also, your child could easily fail a spelling test because you haven't taken the time to study with her (sorry, Savvy!) and you consider getting the mail from the mailbox "getting out".  There's also the more personal battles like math that doesn't add up (or subtract down, rather) when you KNOW you delivered a 6 lb 14 oz baby, but you stand on the scale and it says you've only lost 6 lbs since delivery.  And to reaffirm this conundrum, your 3 year old points at your belly the day you come home from the hospital and asks if another baby is going to pop out soon. Getting meals brought by neighbors and friends is totally awesome, except when you break one of their dishes before you've returned it (sorry Kay!) and then you just feel dumb.  You could wake from an unintentional nap in a panic and realize all your kids are missing and you have no idea where they are.

This is all just part of the gig.  The pounds will come off and I'll graduate from maternity pants... eventually. One day I'll get my housekeeping mojo back and be all up in the laundry's face like nobody's business.  Lucky for me, I've got a 3 year old at home so we completely understand each other, even if I can't string 2 complete sentences together. One day I'll get a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep and be all kinds of awesome, but until then I'll kind of be in good company because didn't Einstein and several other geniuses have trouble sleeping?

I should recognize we've already had some successes. Alexandra is nearly 3 weeks old and we are finally settling into a more predictable routine (ie I've finally cracked open my sleep bibles and refreshed my memory on how to get newborns to get their nights and days straight).  Twice this week she has given me a 5-hour stretch at night. I am starting to feel human again and not quite so much on the verge of tears anymore. Savvy got 100% on her most recent spelling test (a huuuuge feat of mine hers as the test was the day after Halloween).  I discovered the missing kids were with Kyle -- he decided to give me some peace and quiet and took the kids out of the house for the evening. Totally sweet, right? I found an exact match to Kay's dish on e-Bay (score!) and I did get out for real last weekend: I took myself to the movies in my sweats. Baby steps, right?

For now I'll just enjoy snuggling this angel of mine because it goes by way too fast. Laundry will be everywhere but where it's supposed to be, I will have dark circles under my eyes and my kids may or may not be accounted for.  This is the new normal.

Totally, completely and undeniably worth it.

Friday, October 18, 2013

I'm in Love Again

I was thoroughly filled with anxiety in the days preceding the delivery. I was absolutely, positively ready to not be pregnant anymore.... but just not ready for a newborn. I wasn't sure why exactly. From the anticipated up-all-nights to the fear of another human being to look after in addition to my other 3 children, to just simply all the unknowns that there are with a new baby; I just didn't feel ready.

There's always a bit of sadness the night before I have a baby as well. Just looking upon each of my children, knowing things are going to change, and knowing they will never be the same after tomorrow for some reason makes me a little sad. My love doesn't change, this I know. In fact it deepens with each child born. It's hard to articulate exactly why I feel a bit melancholy, but I do.

All fears aside, I kept my date with the hospital. And when our daughter entered this world and was placed on my bosom I wept with my husband. Those tears meant so many things that words could not really say. Gratitude, love, joy, peace...awe.

Just like that we became a family of 6. Just like that it felt like we were the way they had always been. She's always been a part of our family. She finally got to join us here on earth. The love we both immediately felt for her was intense, beautiful and thick. We both stared at her in amazement. She was perfect, healthy, and calm.

I loved the quiet moments I spent in the hospital just holding her. I would stare at her sweet face and  said over and over and over again that the sickness was all completely absolutely, undeniably worth it. I've heard that so much in the last 9 months-- "it's worth it in the end," and each time I'd nod and politely agree. I know it to be true because I've mustered the courage to have 3 other children despite my difficult pregnancies. I wouldn't do it if I wasn't sure of that. But there's nothing like truly knowing it is true when you are staring into the perfect face of your newborn with wonder and awe that she came from you and believing with every fiber of your being that every ailment felt and tear shed during her gestation was all completely worth it.

I'm so grateful to be a mother. I am so grateful to be her mother.

I've been up the last two nights, slept maybe a total of 4 hours, but miraculously I'm making it. Granted I haven't done much besides feed, diaper, burp and hold this little one. But it's still amazing how we are gifted with the ability to cope in this sleep-deprived state. It's one of the many blessings God grants us I believe, so we can sort of remember what it was like to hold a newborn. Sometimes after feeding her in the wee hours of the morning I just have to hold her and watch her sleep, even though I know I need to get some sleep of my own. These moments are fleeting and gone too soon and I want to soak them all up. It's amazing what you can learn during those quiet hours from someone who is a mere few days old.

My body aches, my head is pounding from the lack of sleep, and my insides sometimes scream at me when I take a flight of stairs.  These are the days of blissful misery. Bliss because of this new heavenly being that has joined our family and misery because the body is healing from the trauma of childbirth.

You can't look upon the face of a newborn and not believe that God is real. It truly is a miracle how we can bring His little ones to this world. I am bursting with gratitude for her health, for my health, and for knowing that my family, including this new little one, is eternal.

Ah, it's wonderful to be in love again. With not only this newborn babe, but with each of my children and my husband. With each birth I am reminded of the sweet moments I had with each of my children when they first joined our family. I look at them with amazement-- at how fast they've grown and how much they've learned. And how much I have learned from them. It's so endearing watching them welcome so freely this new family member and love her almost as instantaneously as their Dad and I did. And, I look upon my husband with awe; how he handily accepts the vague, all-encompassing role of being everything-else-that-I'm-not-being-while-I-recuperate, in addition to his role as husband, father, and breadwinner. I am so grateful to him because I could not do this alone. It has been said there is nothing more dreamy than a guy vacuuming the floors and doing the dishes. I'm here to second that. He's been dreamier than ever these last few days.

Life continues on, but I sure would love to pause these sweet moments of motherhood. It is truly a gift from God, for which I am ever grateful.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Cade, Savvy, & Ruby

I've got a case of the can't-get-back-to-sleep due to awesome pregnancy symptoms so I figured it was high time I update our happenings on the blog.  When you're about 2 years behind on many events it is still recommend you start with the here and now.

So that's what I'll do!

Cade:  He is in 4th grade (GASP! I have a FOURTH grader!).  He is playing on a competitive soccer team that fortunately doesn't take up as much time as it was originally going to due to field availability-- or rather, unavailability.  I was relieved when his coach informed us there wouldn't be as much practice time. Between school, scouts, piano lessons, his pest control business and soccer he keeps plenty busy.   He's scored 3 or 4 times already this season and is enjoying trying out other positions. Last year he was stuck as left defender the entire season. It's great to see his ability to move around and adapt to other positions. He even played goalie on Friday night. Shocker! He did well and didn't get scored on. I think Kyle was the most relieved.  He is doing well in his class and I have been so impressed with his teacher.  In some ways I feel like I'm a school snob. Growing up back East, there were many aspects of my education that were quite different than the way things happen here. I've bit my tongue and held back doing anything about it at the school, realizing Cade wasn't that old and things could still change. And, the reality is, I am his mother and the buck stops with me, not the school.  Cade's principal is in his 2nd year and he is implementing some fabulous standards that have me singing from the rooftops. He is having teachers hold the students to a higher standard for starters, which I LOVE! No more letting kids turn things in late and no more teaching to the average. The teachers are now required to teach to the highest level and let the students follow suit. Plenty of studies have shown that when taught to the higher standard, the kids will rise to the occasion and in the mean time get a much better education out of it. Cade's teacher focuses on positive reinforcement, which is awesome and Cade is thriving in that environment.  Much to Cade's dismay, I signed him up for another year of piano with our sweet Maisa. This was a difficult decision for me. He really hated piano last year. Not the  the teacher...just the idea of having to do something that he had to work at. I knew Cade was going to be busy enough with everything else and I hesitated to put yet one more thing on his plate (and consequently, my plate). I didn't want this to be a completely negative experience, but Kyle and I also felt that these days, kids don't know how to do hard things. Just because he doesn't like it wasn't a good enough excuse to not do it. So I finally resolved that if Maisa had a lesson opening on a day and time that was condusive to Cade's schedule, I'd do it.  She did! Miracle of miracles she had a Tuesday opening that was just right for Cade's crazy schedule. So far we've had 2 lessons. He's not loving it, but he hasn't hated it as much as he hated it last year... In Cade's spare time he invents things, like this awesome airplane track, and still loves building and creating with Legos. He also frequents a place he and his friends call Area 51 (its just an empty lot in the neighborhood) where he works on his "club."
Sure if we let him he could play on the computer (Minecraft or for hours at a time, but he stays busy enough, fortunately, that it's rare when he does have the time and has earned his 30 minutes to play.  He is a boy, what can we say...but I'm hoping by using time limits it teaches him self-discipline.

Savannah: She's in 1st grade! Her class started out with a whopping 30 students and bless Mrs. Whitaker's heart, she was going to do her best to tame all those 6 year-olds and still give them a great education. Fortunately a few more kids registered on the first day of school, giving our school the go-ahead to be able to hire a 3rd first grade teacher, reducing the class size to 20. Savvy got to stay with her original teacher, but many of her friends left the class, which made her a little bummed. She's over it now and really enjoying school. She comes home every day happy and thrilled with life and is excited to leave for school in the morning. This makes my mother heart happy. I have opted to not sign Savvy up for a single activity this fall and I am very happy with that decision. She comes home and does her homework right away (usually!) and then goes out to play. She loves reading, being read to, riding her bike, and more recently, riding her motorcycle that Dad bought for she and Cade to share. Cade isn't much interested in it (he's quite terrified of it, actually), so Savvy enjoys going on motorcycle riding dates with Daddy. I'm doing my best to not have a heart attack every time she's on it.

Ruby: Our little preschooler! She thoroughly enjoys going and wishes it were every single day. It's just twice a week in the morning for 2 hours-- so it's perfect for me.  I love this age and love being with her. Since she still naps in the afternoon (for which I am so grateful) that also limits the one-on-one time I get with her, so twice a week preschool is just right. I just took her to the doctor for her 3 year well-child visit. She's in the 40th percentile for weight and 85th for height. Shocker! Woodbury's are not at all known for their height. We'll see how long that lasts.  We have started a little potty training. I don't like to push it. Laziness perhaps? I discovered it was so much easier making the underwear transition with Savannah because we waited until she was completely ready and begging to no longer be in diapers. Then it was really painless. With Cade we tried to do it really soon and it dragged on FOREVER. It's going fine and really if we pushed it more I think she could be completely potty trained in a few days. I think at this point I am the one in need of some self discipline!  Ruby is hilarious and is in the independent stage. She loves playing with Savannah and misses her desperately while she is away at school.  Ruby is also my home body. She isn't too keen on going around town for errands. Usually after 2 stores she is DONE and begs to go home.  She is excited about having a little sister and claims when she is born, she will be all done with her pacis and pullups "because the baby will need them."  The jury is still out on that one. Sweet nonetheless though!

That one time we went back east for vacation (A YEAR AGO!)

{Here's another draft I never published. At least I don't think so.  It is a snippit of our trip back to Virginia the Summer of 2012}

With Cade nearing 3rd grade I decided we better take advantage of  Daddy living back East.  So I schlepped the 3 darlings on an airplane and came out.

We are now currently on day 9 of 10 of our vacation. Depending on the moment I am either thinking, "Oh my gosh, this is SO fun! Why don't I do this more?" or "Oh my gosh, what was I thinking? I am NEVER doing this again!"  

Here are some of my other thoughts, in no particular order.

*It is SO green. So green! While driving into the city our first day here, Savannah remarked, "There's too much trees."  My sentiments exactly. But this is nothing new. I love this state and I will always consider Richmond my hometown, but I much prefer wide open vistas to the tunnel vision of trees here.

*I am so grateful to our founding fathers.  They risked everything so we could have everything. That is why I feel so strongly about preserving our freedom and supporting the presidential nominee who will  preserve our country's freedom.

*Friendly's, an east coast ice cream franchise, is still delicious. I managed to devour the 5 scoop peanut butter cup sundae all by myself (minus a few bites for Ruby). I had no regrets. At all.

*Cade kept mentioning we should go back to Sesame Street Land while we were at the Busch Gardens amusement park. He kept saying Ruby would really like it. It took me a while before we figured out it was Cade who really wanted to go back because HE really liked the rides there. (it was all very tame and not scary. Savvy kept daring him to go on the scary rides which was causing the poor kid serious anxiety).

*Sleeping in the same room as all 3 kids makes me even more thankful for the pioneers. And thankful I wasn't a pioneer.   And really thankful for Melatonin.

*Romney supporters are quiet. Or rather, not loud. We wore our Romney T-shirts one day while traipsing around the city, which at the time I just thought, "Oh this will make a great picture if we go in front of the White House!" . I didn't think much of what kind of statement it is making when you go into a city that is predominantly supportive of Obama with your entire family (minus Cade-- sorry buddy!) wearing Romney gear. We got quiet "Go Romney!"  or "I like your shirt," mumbles and several thumbs up throughout the day, but everyone who was supportive of him kept it quiet. 
*Savannah and Cade have been formulating some pretty hilarious solutions to the country's economic problems. They hear a lot of our political conversations with friends, which we've been having quite a bit out here, and it's pretty funny what they pick up on. Their latest idea (which is predominantly Savannah's) is that Mitt and Ann Romney should disguise themselves as Michelle and Barak Obama "so they can get everyone's money back." We have some clarification to do, apparently.

*Ruby loves to swim and she hates to be left out of any theme park rides. "I wanna go FWAMMING!" she screams.

*I don't miss Virginia's humidity. My face melts off about 3 minutes after I walk outside.  Savvy's curls are sure beautiful here though. And Ruby even has some wave in her hair I wasn't aware of before this trip.

*"Why does it have to thunder here EVERY day? It ruins the swimming!"  --- Cade.

*We tried to survive this trip without a GPS, but after a day without one (which left us aimlessly driving for 45 minutes in the city) Kyle bee-lined to Costco the next morning to pick one up. We don't regret it.  It's humbling to realize I don't know my way around an area I should know.

*Tons of people smoke here, but the smokers are usually very considerate of my children. I do like living in a city where the air is clean and the smokers are few.

*I'm looking forward to cooking in the kitchen. I know-- strange for me! But this will have been quite a long time without preparing a meal. Restaurant food is getting old. It takes a lot more effort to get your fruits and veggies in when dining out all the time.

*It's really helpful to not have any expectations for trips that involve young children. Had I had any expectations, we would have had some fails or even epic fails. But since I didn't have any expectations we've been just fine. ;)

*There's a lot of waste that goes on while staying in hotels. When our bathroom gets cleaned each day, they replace our perfectly fine soap that was unwrapped and used a few times with a brand new, wrapped bar. I wonder if there is anything good they could do with the partially good, used soap? I just feel like it's unnecessary to replace something that was perfectly fine.

*Tattoos are still very much in. In my naivete I thought they were on their way out. No sirree! Not at all. Thanks to Williamsburg's water park, Water Country USA, I got my schooling on tattoos.  Did you know Kyle could get a picture of Cade and Savannah's faces tattooed to either side of his chest? Apparently it looks tough and manly.  ???

*I miss my real shampoo and conditioner.

*I don't miss making my bed.

*I'm so glad we don't have to write with Quill pens.

On our way to Williamsburg we stopped by the home of our very dear friends the Whyte's. Unfortunately they weren't home. :( The kids are standing in the beautiful field where Kyle and I had our wedding reception.

Gorgeous, aint it?

Huge rain storm while we were at Water Country. Went ahead and let the kids dance in the rain.

Jamestown!  Savvy and Ruby met Pocahontas.

Just digging up an old post before I catch up on the rest of the summer :)

(Written August 9th)

Being a mom is hard.

Today was one of those days... the kind you want to erase from your kids' memories but just know this is the one they are going to be replaying for the rest of their lives when they think back on their childhood. Ugh. Sigh. Sniff.

I was happily reunited with a dear friend this evening after tucking the kids in bed.  She's the friend who always puts things into perspective for me. It seems all moms have the same hope at the end of the day--- that the kids will remember all the fun we tried to provide for them, and forget about all the impatience we had while trying to make that fun happen.

I'm grateful for friends, cake, and the great promise of tomorrow and that it can be better than today. :)
We've really had a great summer. I can't complain. I've certainly been my less than best self these last several weeks being pregnant. I'm tired all the time, run low on patience, but if I can muscle through the exhaustion, good things still manage to happen.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

In case the kids forget, they are having an awesome summer...

...And so am I. 

For starters--- I'm baaaaack!!! Oreos are now safe to consume. In large quantities. Oh my heavens it's glorious. Once a week or so the kids and I will have Oreo Time. We'll sit and dunk our Oreos in milk and chat. I love it. I still on occasion have secret Oreo Time with just myself, but I think it's important to include your children in your hobbies so as not to make them resent them (or you) in the future. 

Thanks to Kyle coming to town I was able to go on a youth retreat with the teenagers in my congregation (youth conference). We drove to St. George with a pit stop for a sack dinner at Cove Fort. It was really a fascinating place. I am amazed and inspired that a family was so willing to move out to the middle of nowhere to establish place of comfort and refuge for travelers coming through during the pre-railroad days. And the entire place was self-sustaining. I can't imagine the work it took to just make dinner every night for an unknown number of travelers. That alone boggled my mind. And there was so very much more that took place to make this place run.

Myself, Jan (another youth leader) and the girls got to stay in a very generous ward member's condo in St. George. That night we packed our lunches for the next day and hit the hay. We got up early the next morning to drive to Yankee Doodle Canyon. I had a really hard time talking myself out of going on this hike. The daring and fun-loving Michelle so desperately wanted to join the kids on this adventure. But in my condition I knew I needed to be smart and not turn into a liability for the group, so I stayed behind with Jan and while the kids and men hiked, we chatted and chatted. It was so much fun and the time flew by. I so love serving with that lady. She is a gem.  Before we knew it, everyone was back, safe and sound (and hot!)

After an afternoon of swimming and an evening fireside given by the Hafen's, the St. George temple president and matron, we went out for custard. It was a great day.

I just love being by the temple...

..And I love, love love the youth!!!  My recently released counselor Karla (boohoo! I am going to miss serving with her) phrased so perfectly what I think of them: they are small in number, but they are mighty. It is kind of bizarre in Orem, Utah of all places to have such few youth, but  that's just how it is in our ward! I know it must be hard for them. Having grown up in a ward with few young women I remember being envious of other wards in our stake that had lots and lots of youth. And I was always envious of my friends and family out in Utah who seemed to have oodles and oodles of youth. There is strength in numbers. But at the same time, your testimony of the Savior starts and ends with one person: you. While having lots of friends in your neighborhood who believe the same things as you is helpful and strengthening, you don't need that to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Each of the kids has such a desire to do good, be good and follow the Savior. This can be a tough world for our youth to be in, with so much temptation around. But they are strong.....

...and they are a hoot to be around. Playing the hand-slapping game while waiting for our concretes to be made. This brought me back to my childhood!

We went to bed, completely exhausted (I think the girls stayed up for a bit and giggled and talked) and woke up to have a morningside given by our awesome Bishop and then a testimony meeting just as the sun was rising.

It was a great weekend. My children were bummed when I came home. Savvy and Ruby did a good job being excited when I walked through the door, but we all know the harsh reality: the fun is over when Mom comes back. Suffice it to say, while I was gone, Kyle managed to stock up on sugar cereal and other necessary junk food, and I am sure crammed the weekend full of fun.

That night we went to the Orem Parade and the kids went to town with all the candy thrown at them. The parade is a fun little local thing to do which requires little effort because it is within walking distance from our house. And we can always count on my sister and her hubs to save us an awesome spot.   That night Ruby threw up a few times. Most likely due to the overload of candy. (I failed to monitor exactly how many taffy's she ingested before bed). But to be safe, I kept her home from church. That morning was Father's Day, which we will save for another post-- but I think it was a pretty good day. I hope it was for Kyle, anyway, seeing as how he was the one we wanted to celebrate.

For a very unofficial family night we organized the garage (rather, Kyle and I did while the kids rode their bikes in the cul-de-sac) then we had to see what all the fuss was about at Hakulia shave ice across from BYUs campus. It was DELISH!

While Kyle was here we took Cade to a US vs Honduras soccer game at the Real Salt Lake stadium. We wore red and white (Honduras is blue). Here he is, pumped on the ride up:

We took Cade to the US vs. Honduras game. It was a blast!

He cracked me up with his red get-up!
...this is the tail-end of the stadium-wide celebration of our victory. It was nuts.

The three of us at the stadium....

We love it when Daddy is here....sigh. His trip went by waaaay to fast and before long he was back to NoVA. 

Earlier in the month I took the kids to the Utah Lake Festival. It all started with me turning on the news one afternoon for the first time in, oh, 4 months probably. Ruby was down for a nap and Savvy and I were eating lunch. They were doing a spot on the upcoming Utah Lake festival and showed some of the fun things that were going to be happening at the event. For the rest of the week Savvy asked all her friends if they were going to the Utah Lake Festival. Nobody was. But Savvy was sure excited about it. 
So we went! It was on my summer bucket list to get the kids out to Utah Lake, so what better time to do it when it was free to park and there were games and stuff to play?

Some of the highlights:

To inspire the kids to wear life jackets  there was a boat and 2 people rocked it back and forth for about 2 minutes. I was certain Cade would think it was ridiculous but he loved it. It's funny what things the kids really dig. 

...Learning about animal prints... this is some kind of bear that lives in Utah. I hope I don't have a personal encounter with it. Yikes.

Cade's most favorite part of the entire day: fishing. Or pretending to fish. It smelled awful here but I was an awesome Mom and even though I know next to nothing about fishing and the last time I went fishing was about 12 years ago with Kyle at his family reunion where he conveniently did all the work and I just cast and sat, I let him and Sav do this. After about 15 minutes of hanging out on a rock Cade's line got snagged with another kids so that ended his fun but it really made his entire day. I'm glad I took the time to let him do it so he could say he tried fishing. Again, the things that really matter to kids can really take very little effort. It's a lesson I learn over and over and over again.

Ruby hung out in the stroller most of the afternoon (thankfully she was fine with this) but here she is playing a game that she loved:

I'm doing this all out of order--- this was the very first thing we did. It was a donut eating contest. Even though there was a line, we were in no hurry to get through all the booths so we just had fun watching other people and finally Cade and Savvy had their turn at it:

...and Cade...

This was my favorite part of the festival--- when it was over! We found a big tree and sat in its shade and ate a picnic lunch. We had nowhere we needed to be and the kids were just happy to hang out. I relished in the moment of just "being". The kids were recounting all the fun things they had done at the festival and I was filling my belly. It was a great memory made.

We've been spending time swimming with friends and family....

...and had fun surprising cousin Lukey on his 5th birthday with some gifts! I was thrilled to see that one of them went with the gift my mom got him (Luke calls it an i-Pad. My kids were so jealous!). The headphones are great with  his nifty little toy. We also got him a Star Wars piggy bank...but he said he already has 2 banks so that was kind of a fail...oops! Sorry Mel. I guess one could be tithing, the other savings, and the other spending??? Ha ha. We love our Lukey and can't believe he is 5!!!

I'm loving putting this girl in pig tails...if you couldn't already tell.

...And taking the kids on dates.

It was Cade's turn to go out with me and he totally shocked me by asking to go to Color Me Mine -- "you know, that place where Savannah painted her Cinderella?" So we went! 

This is what I made -- it's tradition for each of our kids to have a bank painted by Kyle or I at Color Me Mine---Ruby didn't have one yet, so I helped fill that void:

...Cade painted a race car....(I reassured him it really would turn out red and not pink after it was fired in the kiln)

Proud of our finished work (pre kiln!)

Then Cade did something totally predictable and asked to go to Chuck-A-Rama for dinner. I think I ate my weight in scones. Yum!

Afterwards we played tennis and then hit up the library. It was a fun evening.

Hmmm...what else have we been up to?

Swim team for both of the kids, soccer for Cade, tennis for Cade....

Shopping for cleats...

 ....lots and LOTS of coloring...

And me going through swatches of fabric for projects around our house that may get done...

...orrrrr not...depending on how much chasing after this little one I get to do...

...and that's the most important thing right now. No rush, right? Fabric for roman shades can selected later, rugs can get ordered, new carpet can get installed later, rooms decorated later...and my favorite-- laundry folded later! I'm really good at not folding laundry. It's one of my very best talents. 

All in the name of living in the here and now, right?

Now is good.