1 week down...

Last Sunday morning Kyle left for Northern Virginia to spend the majority of his summer. This has been our life since we met, so it's nothing new. Each summer brings new challenges while trying to parent our little ones on my own. While the days can sometimes get long and we miss him dearly, I try to look at the bright side. I came up with a list of perks to take my mind off feeling sorry for myself. Here's a short list:

• Less laundry. And I hate laundry. With Kyle gone, the amount I have to do decreases exponentially. This is good!
• Simple meals. Without a husband around to appreciate a good meal, the amount of time I spend in the kitchen preparing meals drops dramatically in the summers. Less time in the kitchen means more time doing the other things I love, whether that is curling up with a good book, organizing Savvy's sock and underwear drawer, or passing the soccer ball in the yard with Cade.
• No more hiding shopping spree purchases in random places throughout the house. I can purchase and wear the next day without getting the third degree.  Okay, I'm totally kidding on that one. Though Kyle swears I hide new clothes I buy and break them out after a month so I can say, "This? No, it's not new. I've had it for a while, sweetie."  The reality is, he's the shopper and can now do so without getting the third degree from me. Unfortunately for him, I watch our bank account like a hawk so he can't hide much.  Sweetie, your recent GNC purchase better have been vitamins that will to last the next 20 years.
• Paint! I don't think Kyle likes change. Or messes. Painting walls in our home causes a lot of both so when he leaves, I get excited to continue to transform our home with new hues without fussing over the stuff that has to be ignored while working on a home improvement project.
• Control over the fridge, freezer and pantry. I'm learning I like control. I don't think I'm quite a control freak (yet), but there are certain areas in my world that I prefer having control over, and one is what I feed myself and my children.  When Kyle goes grocery shopping, I feel that control slipping through my fingers. What he buys and what I buy are very different. {i.e. Toaster Streudles vs. organic granola and greek yogurt}. I'm by no means a health nut and definitely have my weaknesses when it comes to certain foods.{when he buys those toaster streudels I eat them} However, I really want my children to have good eating habits and I feel that what you buy (and don't buy) can heavily influence their palates, toleration for new foods and overall health.   I felt liberated today to finally use up the rest of these babies at an impromptu picnic my friend hosted down the street. We joked later that we held a cafeteria-style picnic with these on the menu:

Yes, the kids ate them right up. For some reason, I've just never been a corn dog fan. Or hot dog fan. But I did eat one. All in the name of celebrating my newly reclaimed space in the freezer. Yeahhh!

We miss you, Kyle!

xoxo

Full of Surprises

I was finally able to snatch up a time slot with Utah County's best swimming teacher -Pam Young.  Our pool has been open since April 7th and having a curious 20 month old who loves to try to escape out our front doors makes me beyond nervous. In addition to locks on all the doors, fence gates with impossible-to-defeat-latches guarding the backyard, and installing this baby when it arrives in the mail as a last line of defense, I've been antsy to get Ruby into swimming lessons so I can be proactive about her water safety.

Ruby is my first child to introduce me into the world of stranger anxiety. Sure I've had friends with kids that had it, but my kids? I thought they were immune or didn't carry the gene, or I was somehow so awesome at parenting that we didn't have to *cough* deal with such an issue. And then there was Miss Ruby. Sometimes I think it was all that time she and I spent together after my foot/feet surgery {what else can a practically bedridden mother do but hold, nurse, and hang out with her mobile-less infant?} that caused her to desire nobody else's presence but my own. Sometimes I think it was waiting until she was 6 months old to really start getting regular about leaving her with a sitter.  And then sometimes I think perhaps it's just Ruby being Ruby.

While I've enjoyed having a snugly, affectionate baby who loves to be held, I also have found myself at a loss of what to do when I leave her in the care of others-- always screaming at the top of her lungs, sometimes even lunging for the floor in complete despair: How dare I leave her!  Nursery has been a hurdle that we are still hurdling, bless those nursery leaders for their patience.  I've come to a point where I don't (not usually anyway) personally mind the crying-- that's just what she does.  I just feel for the person/people I am leaving her with. I know she's safe. I know she'll be fine. But the babysitter? The nursery leader? One can handle only so much crying before it makes you want to walk outside and shut the door and pretend that  screaming child is someone else's charge. {Who me? Okay, so I may be speaking from experience.}

And so I warned sweet Miss Pam, I was sure when Ruby entered the water with her she'd be a screamer and a crier and we'd just deal with it. Even the kids prayed that morning for Ruby to have a good lesson. They were all anxious and made me promise to report to them how her lesson went.

This morning after I donned Ruby's swimsuit on she got this curious excitement about her. We've gone swimming recent enough for her to know what to associate that swimming suit with and forunately that makes her happy. She was more than happy to get in the car and go bye-bye. I just began thinking, oh my...all this happiness is just going vanish once I hand her off to Pam-- what a bummer. When we arrived at the Westfall's indoor pool where the lessons are, she got thoroughly excited, even though the child currently in the water with Miss Pam was crying her eyes out. I looked sympathetically at the mother, knowing soon it was going to be my own child wailing.

Ruby's turn soon came and  I handed her off.

And her smile remained.

What?

No tears, no wailing for mom, no shrieking or flailing. She was content. Happy. She had this look like, "This is the life!" I was in shock.  She pointed to me several times during the lesson, "Mama!" and to her buddy Dade, who was playing outside in the sandbox, calling out "Day! Day!"

She was happy the entire lesson. Perhaps a little nervous when on her back, but still pretty thrilled with the whole thing. Disbelieving with how happy she was I began thinking...whoah, it's going to be a nightmare when her lesson is over. She's going to scream and cry when she has to get out of the pool. She's going to be so mad.

Nope. Totally fine. No big deal. She was cool with getting dried and changing into clothes and leaving.

What can I say? The girl is full of surprises. I don't normally like surprises, but this surprise was a very welcome one.

Nope, no pictures of the aforementioned event. I was glued to the pool-- no time to snatch out a camera and snap a picture of the event. Tomorrow maybe. :) For now, here are some shots Kyle snapped on our pool opening day/Cade's baptism day/visit to her cousin Ben's gravesite.

!

A full heart

This last weekend I had a rite of passages of sorts.

Our firstborn was baptized.

My big goal for the day was to just to be able to enjoy it and feel the Spirit and not be caught up in the hustle and bustle of having family and company.

I wanted to enjoy my pure, sweet son and all the family and friends who came to support Cade.

Achieving that goal made for a busy, busy week. 

Laundry, dishes of course as always.

Then the big closet clean-out for the girls.

{never made it through the boy clothes...this week maybe?!}

I even swept out and scrubbed down the play house which needed some serious attention. 

Yard work 

Scrubbing the grill area

Grocery shopping

Vaccuming

Dusting

and then finally just stuffing 

What? You don't know what stuffing is? Stuffing is what happens when you see something out that is where is shouldn't be, and you are so sick and tired of seeing it where it shouldn't be, but you are too lazy to put it where it belongs.

So you stuff it.

And stuffed I did.

Friday we woke up to snow. 

Boy was I glad I had finished all the yard stuff Thursday night at 11:20pm.

It was all worth it.

Saturday morning came.

Family came from near and far. 

Friends joined in on the festivities.

The sun shone.

It was a great day.

The service was beautiful.

When singing the opening song Cade leaned over to Kyle and said,

"I think I feel the Spirit."

Cade hugged me after he returned from dressing.

The talks his uncles and Brother Westfall gave were perfect.

It was so sweet.

If there were any regrets to have, it would have been to take more photos before the service of Cade with family members in his cute white baptismal outfit.

But other than that, it all went well.

Of course it's a serious time of deep reflection, realizing you have 10 more years with your child before he becomes an adult;
Before you send him off into the big, wide world to test his knowledge, belief system and values.
As parents we have such a responsibility and of course I worry and wonder--
Am I teaching enough? Am I guiding enough? Am I enough to parent this naive child?

The reality was this isn't about me.
This was about Cade.
He is only beginning to scratch the surface of his potential.
His testimony is not perfect.
This is just the beginning.
And what a great beginning it was.

As for the frivolous details that always manage to find their way into special, sacred days--

The food was delicious.

and I did not prepare it.

Which made it even better.

My amazing friend Edy took care of the food and that was the best decision I ever made.

You know me and food for large but vague numbers of people.

It stresses me out.

Saturday I did not stress out.

Saturday I enjoyed the service. I smiled. Laughed. Ate. Hugged.

It was a beautiful day.

As you can see, there were many attempts at a family shot...

I think this is the best one. Oh well! Life as we know it, right?! :)

Just as my family was leaving I called for a picture. I'm glad I did. Thanks for taking the photo, Daddy!