Keeping It Real: Finding that Happy Medium

I'm back!

Christmas came and went and there is still much of 2012 I am looking forward to re-living when they make it on the blog.

Soooo....Christmas.

A big part of me felt distracted this holiday season. I wanted more time to prepare. More time to soak it in. More time to just "be" as a family and create memories and start traditions. I made some deliberate choices-- both trivial and significant this year in hopes to take unnecessary time robbers out of my life for the Christmas season, delete unnecessary stressors and put in more enjoyable things. For instance, I stayed logged out of facebook for the entire month of December. That was a small decision that made a great impact. It wasn't hard, either. Just nice to disconnect. And I really don't feel like I missed out on anything, as much as facebook would like me to think otherwise.

Then there were some things I didn't do but really wanted to. I just had to realize it was best to not in order to keep some sanity. Like blogging and Christmas cards. Those are two things I enjoy. But with no family picture taken by December 1st, I decided it needed to wait until the New Year. And blogging? I enjoy updating on the happenings and don't find it stressful. But sometimes I find myself feeling guilty if I get behind. The idea was to eliminate unnecessary guilt, so I took a deep breath and just decided the Christmas cards could wait and updating 2012 could wait, too. I found a happy medium by uploading instagram on my phone and that helped me to stay in the "capture the little moments" mode although I knew I wasn't blogging. It was a good medium. Another thing I really wanted to do but didn't was neighbor gifts. While I so badly wanted to be a little fairy and drop bits of good cheer at all the door steps of my wonderful neighbors and friends, it didn't happen this year.

We didn't travel at all during the month of December, per my request. Kyle was really wanting to take a trip with me. The idea sounded nice, you know, once we were actually ON the trip, but the more I thought about getting away with Kyle, the more I remember swearing last year not to ever travel in the month of December ever again. After a brief three day getaway with our family of 5 I broke out in hives and was miserable from the stress being away for just a couple of days and scrambling to try and get everything together for Christmas. Once I finally made the decision we wouldn't be going anywhere, I felt such relief.

The first week of December Cade cornered Kyle and I with pleading eyes begging to know the truth about Santa. I could tell it wasn't a conversation we could blow off with a "if you don't believe, Santa won't come" sort of thing. He really wanted to know. We invited Cade to our room and closed the door and there shared with him the Secret of Santa and explained to him the importance of keeping this to himself. Being "that kid" that ruins the Santa secret for kids is not someone to strive for being. I still remember the girl who spoiled the Santa fun for me when I was six. It's hard to have fond thoughts of the girl responsible for taking away some of the magic of my childhood from me. I explained to Cade it was normal if he felt a little sad or disappointed. But he didn't feel any of that. He felt oddly very cool for being let in on the secret. For that I was grateful, but I couldn't deny the funk it put me in personally.

The funk continued as I couldn't find my blasted Christmas music (the Cds mysteriously appeared last week from out of nowhere...) or our little Elf Curtis (Savannah kept wondering why everyone's elf had visited but ours never came. Santa left a note explaining Curtis had foot surgery and was unable to travel...but he would be back some time during the year. Let's hope I find him soon...).

Things started coming up. Little things. Things that individually wouldn't really matter and that would actually add to the nice ambiance of a service-filled season. Adding them all together, I can't deny my feeling frazzled. I did my very best to have a good attitude. I really did. Because I knew if I had a rotten attitude all the things I was doing then I shouldn't have done them at all. But a mother knows when she is being spread thin and no matter the eternal perspective one can have, it still doesn't change the reality of feeling out of control.

I did make it through, but by the time I was finished with my commitments and shopping I felt a tinge of sadness because so much of the Christmas season had passed me by.

As I reflect back on the season I can't deny the regrets I have. There is plenty I would have done differently. However, I wouldn't turn down a single one of the service opportunities that came my way. So where is the happy medium? I don't know. I don't have the answers. Reflecting on my holiday season has been a reminder to me that life keeps going but I can keep looking forward to the future in hopes for something better. It's about improving. It's about recognizing limits, priorities and the true meaning of the Season and being able to impart it to my children. Christmas is about Christ. It's about service and love. Life isn't designed to be bliss, but there will be blissful moments and it's up to me to recognize and savor them. And this season there were many, I promise. This one is one of my favorites:

I went to Cade's class Christmas party and Savvy tagged along with me. Cade was so sweet and shared his desk and chair with her for the activities. It is so endearing watching him dote on her when she comes to his school. It's moments like these that make this roller coaster ride called parenthood all worth it!