Last week I forgot Tuesday was Friday's schedule at BYU. That probably means nothing to you, but to me that meant I needed to pick Savannah up an entire hour earlier than usual.
So when it was 2:27 the school secretary called me, and said it was early out day, normally that would be fine.
Except that I was checking out at Target with a cart full of stuff, rather than at home, ready to hop in the car and be there in 7.2 minutes.
So, I got there SUPER late.
Did you know they charge a dollar per minute you are late?
Yeah, I could have bought a new pair of shoes with that.
Or fed a child in Africa for 2 months.
Needless to say I felt pretty sheepish, ridiculous, and like one of "those moms."
You know the type-- frazzled, forgetful, unreliable?
Yep, that was me.
But I've tried to move past all that.
Then Savannah said the most interesting/hilarious/thought provoking/stinging thing. She's still being super awesome about keeping her room tidy (minus the stack of folded, clean clothes I discovered in her hamper 2 days ago-- but I digress. The girl is very proud of her room. She hollered to me downstairs and coyly asked, "Moooom! Do you think I listened to you and put my jammies on?"
I replied, in the way she was hoping I would of course, because any good mother would do that. "No, I bet you didn't get your jammies on. I bet you've just been playing around up there."
"Nope!" (jumps into full view so I can see her in her PJs)
"Wow, great listening, Sis! You are doing so well at being obedient!."
"Yeah, I think it's one of my talents. But do you want to know what I am almost PERFECT at? Cleaning my room. I'm getting so close to being perfect at that. Kind of how you and dad are almost perfect at your phone and computer."
OUCH.
The thing is, my daughter was doing anything but looking to insult me. She was genuinely coming up with a compliment. And in her truest most honest form, she gave the very best example she could think of.
What it was was a wake up call. I like to THINK I'm good at being in the moment, being present and NOT being on the computer or my phone. I'm fully aware and make it an effort to not be stuck to my phone or computer. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was. And not in the ways I initially thought she was perceiving. When I think computer-- I immediately think, "Facebook." When I think phone, I immediately think texting. That's what people do and I almost wanted to say, "No! I am really good at not getting sucked into social media and texting. I communicate in real life!" But I, I had spent the last few mornings on the phone with my sisters, chatting. I had also looked up a Visiting Teaching message online. I've been doing Christmas shopping online. I've been reading the news on line...
Regardless of how many "good" things I could be doing, to my children it is no different. To my children I am not being completely present. I am being distracted.
So I have a goal for December to really make it a good month where my children can FEEL my presence. They won't see me as the mom always on her phone and computer.
4 comments:
Your daughter is a doll! On Monday I deleted my facebook account....it wont be permanent but I spent waaaaaay too much time on there....I need a break. It is so easy to get sucked into all of that stuff. I have also been working on spending more time with the kids and use the computer as a release at night when they are in bed.
You've inspired me! I need to be better at this too.
You are not usually one of those moms, so it doesn't count. But sorry about the pain that it was, so frustrating - and for the village that will now not get fed. :)
So, the computer thing is huge. Ever since I banned myself from political blogs, I've done better, but there's always something . . . I got into a habit when nursing, now reading things here and there is my escape. My new idea - make a computer log so I'm forced to see how I spend my time. In my mind I hardly spend any time there, but how different will it be once I'm forced to look at it? We shall see . . .
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