Chirping and Beeping and Facebook Etiquette

I was awoken this morning at approximately 4:57 am to Chirping and Beeping.

Not the chirping of birds signaling the long awaited arrival of sunny skies and warm temperatures. Not the beeping of a car announcing a surprise arrival of my husband (wouldn't that be a nice surprise?!).  'Twas the chirping of my smoke detector telling me my battery was dying (or dead?) and the beeping of my oven.  Odd/ironic/cosmic how they decided to join each other in a simultaneous chorus of annoying sounds at such an inconvenient hour at exactly the same time. I briefly considered in my groggy state it could be my late Mother-in-law playing a practical joke on me, attempting to pry out my sense of humor that is easily lost when I am stressed and tired. I wouldn't put it past her. She was always fond of practical joking in many forms, but almost as soon as the thought came I tried to put it out of my mind and stifle my chuckle. It seemed irreverent to have such a thought. It is Memorial Day.

With beeping and chirping nagging at me while I lay in bed, I so badly wanted to be able to nudge Kyle in the leg and send him to take care of all things electronic. But there was no Kyle in my bed to nudge. Just myself and the fear that if I waited much longer the noises would wake the entire house. Ruby was the first victim and she began wailing.  Feeding her was really the only pleasant thing about being up at that hour. She was particularly smiley and cute and I almost forgot about the noise. I was grateful she was showing obvious signs of being ready to go back to sleep after finishing her milk. After putting her back down I assessed the annoyance levels on my "what's driving me more crazy" barometer. The chirping I decided was the most annoying between the two, so I lugged our ladder from the garage back to my bedroom and unscrewed and maneuvered the smoke detector open. Turns out your arms and neck get quite a work-out when doing the seemingly simple task of unscrewing a detector from the wall and getting the battery out. It was not simple. And did you know that even after you rip the smoke detector out of the wall and disconnect the battery it still beeps? I was unaware of that. Heaven was smiling on me this morning because not only did I know that a fresh battery for the detector existed in my home, I also knew of it's exact location which was miraculous to me. I was able to silence the blasted thing once and for all. I know that should the day come that new battery saves my life I'll be eternally grateful, but for today I am allowing myself to be annoyed.

And then the oven.

It was displaying an "F7" error on the display screen. Whatever that meant. Pressing "Clear" on the display pad silenced it for only a few moments, and then it was back to it's annoying intermittent beeping. So I Googled the issue (heaven forbid F7 means the gas line has been disrupted and if you don't fix the problem in 30 minutes your house will blow up) and it turns out it's a common problem with an inexpensive fix.  I will interject here and mention how grateful I am for Google's efficient search engine and for people who take the time to publish random things such as  "my oven is beeping and displaying an f7 error" and then other people with extensive knowledge on such topics as f7 oven errors take the time to publish the remedy and even include step by step pictures. What a wonderful information accessible world we live in! So, back to the inexpensive fix. Inexpensive meaning if I did it myself. If I hired someone else to fix it, it would no longer be inexpensive. If I didn't hire someone else, it would be inexpensive, but time consuming. At 5:43am I was not feeling very sharp minded nor excited at the idea of taking apart the display panel of my oven, so I opted for the immediate and free, albeit very temporary fix by switching the breaker for the oven to "off" and save that fun for another day.  I guess I will not be making chocolate cake for dessert today.

And that is how my day started. Not the choicest of methods for waking up, but it could always be worse. Yes, it could be worse, but I still whine. I hate not getting to decide when and how I rise in the morning. I just feel robbed.

While I'm feeling snarky, allow me to refer back to the topic of the awesomeness of information via the Web. I'd like to share a handful of  useful lessons I learned in a mere 10 minutes of facebooking last night:

1. If I really want to be "facebook photogenic," I must always put one hand or both hands on my hip(s) when posing for a picture. Horror of horrors, I have been a facebook frump all this time. Not a single one of my photos has me posing like a red-carpeter. Gasp!

2. If I have just spent time with a friend, especially one that I see quite often, it is absolutely essential that I write on her wall messages such  as  "Love you!" "Miss you tonz!" "Had a blast tonight! XOXO." Even though they are meant for just one girlfriend and I could just as easily text or shoot her a personal facebook message or e-mail (because we all know handwritten notes are SO old-fashioned), it's good to show the whole world that I am really social and have a life. While it may seem creepy the messages I send her eerily resemble messages I would write to my husband, it's totally cool and totally normal.

3.  It is necessary to post my whereabouts, whatabouts, and thoughts every 4 hours or so because people care to know them. Apparently.

4. People love clock watchers and those who despise working. Always post "The weekend went waaaay too fast," or "Ugh, I hate Mondays," or "Is it Friday yet?" And don't just post that every once in a while after a bad day or particularly lovely weekend, but 78% of the time. Or more. It's especially favorable to post these thoughts while at work.

5. In conjunction with number 4, it is very hip to announce one's forthcoming inebriation for the weekend. Since I don't drink, I'll have to pass on this one, but this would be wise for others who do drink to note and heed.

6. Because sending personal messages in any form, hand-written and electronic is so passe'-- I must reserve all my most heartfelt birthday, anniversary, and other major holiday greetings for Kyle's facebook wall. No need to EVER purchase a card, write him a note or tell him in person I love him. Facebook brings it to his heart conveniently for all to see.

I better stop there. I'm an hour late for my facebook post! {snicker snicker}