Pros and Cons

September. 2010.  Enjoying a "forced hour of relaxation" by the pool in an effort to stay sane during reunion planning.   This picture also captures my bunions pre-surgery. Let's hope they look better in a couple months rather than worse! :)

Yes! We are still here! Alive and kicking. I have..... oh....about 5 posts in my drafts folder that I've started but haven't finished for one reason or another. At some point I'm really going to update the last two months of our lives....but for now I'm needing to sort out some unsettling feelings.

It all started after watching the news this evening....there's some kidnappers on the loose-- I didn't catch if they were here in Utah, or somewhere else.   It just made me think of my little children.... and I got anxious.... then I started thinking about my upcoming tentatively scheduled surgery next week, and got even more unsettled.

And now I can't sleep.

As with most things in our lives these days, the surgery kind of "happened"  For years I've lived with bunions and haven't had any major complaints with them other than a little pain when I wear heels or uncomfortable shoes, and then of course the unsightly nature of my feet.  When the weather changed this winter and I started wearing shoes again, I started feeling pain in my feet. And it really bugged me.

I mentioned to Kyle one night about my feet and we discussed that we had met our deductable this year with the baby and all, and it wouldn't hurt to just look into it.

During Ruby's 2 month check up, I briefly spoke to the doctor about any issues with feeding Ruby or how long I'd have to "dump" my milk I am pumping for her before I could give it to her after the surgery and asked for a recommendation. He gave me a name and the next day I was in the office getting X-rays and looking at the calendar to fit in two foot surgeries before the end of the calendar year, one of which will require me to be completely off my foot for the entire recovery.

It's a big commitment, and I'm kicking myself for not having had this done all those years ago when I looked into it the first time.  My excuse then was I refused to take off 8 weeks or more of running in the fall, winter OR spring {and now looking back I think--- why not? It's not like running in high school got me a scholarship to college or anything...sheesh!  But, it was my life then, so I guess that would have been a huge life change for me}. And I couldn't take off work for the summer because I was saving for college.  There seemed to be no convenient time.  When I stopped running competitively, the pain went away and I ignored my feet.

Fast forward 10 years and my left foot has gotten so bad the recovery is going to be terrible. The doctor drew me a diagram of how he was going to fix me and I got lightheaded and dizzy watching.  I've never had invasive surgery.  This is scary stuff.

So, weighing my options, surgery now version surgery not now...

CONS:
I can't run (which means these remaining 20 lbs of baby weight stays on me THAT much longer. Awesomeness)

I can't drive

I cant walk

Okay, I pretty much won't be able to do anything for like 3 months.

I will have to rely on people. I really don't like that.

I will jeopardize much of my husband's time-- which he should be spending in Boise with his Mom.

Complete recovery could be as long as a year (HOLY COW.)

I could lose feeling in my toe---yikes. I actually met a woman that this happened to and she just got it back like a year later.   Oddly enough, she still says the surgery is the best thing she's ever done.

I could lose a toe. (Seriously. I mean, the chances are slim, but they still have to put that in their surgery paperwork that that is a possibility. It's creepy to read.)

I can't micromanage my household/husband/kids! This is what brings me the most anxiety. Just today I was thinking about all the little things I do around the house that I use my foot for and to think I am just going to have to let that go for several weeks....it has made me a little crazy already.

Might not get to learn to ski before winter ends. :(

PROS
Just the thought of being out of commission for several weeks has forced me to get some stuff done.  Case in point:  cleaned out the garage this afternoon.

Financially a plus since we met our insurance deductable this year....

Ruby is still immobile. This will change very soon.  One must capitalize on this very small window of time.

Kyle won't be out of town extensively so if I fall and can't get up, he can rescue me.

I'm not in great shape now so it won't be as if I'm throwing away months of training to be down for a few months {Only runners could probably appreciate that statement....to the rest of you, it probably sounds ridiculous!}

I'll save myself from years of arthritis (or so the doctor tells me)

My other two children are relatively independent-- this is doable.

I won't be fighting the holiday shopping crowds. Just online for me this year...

I will get to read a lot.

Plenty of opportunity to update the blog.

I'll get to learn how to use crutches. Growing up they looked so fun!

Lots of snuggle time with Ruby.

Lots of reading time with the kids.

---

So there's the working list....

I'm scared.  I think more for everything I won't be able to do for my household for the next two months...  But I also know there won't ever be a perfect time.  And it seems now is as good of a time as any....