Remember when...

A few years ago a dear friend of mine told me the story behind a family photo that I was admiring on her wall.  The photo was a surprise from her husband for Mother's Day. When she was out of town with her mom and sisters, her husband had dressed and readied their six children in white shirts and denim for a family photo.  Her husband was unable to contain his excitement and couldn't wait all the way until Mother"s Day to give his wife the photo he had enlarged, printed, and framed.  Unfortunately, she was having a "moment" with some of her kids and had just finished disciplining one of them when her husband thrust into her hands the photo.  Due to the frustrated frame of mind she was in that moment, her initial reaction was far from pleased and before really thinking she began pointing out all the things she would have done differently for the photo--- Instead of crisply ironed polo shirts, her boys were in T-shirts.  Her only daughter's hair was in pig tail buns from just returning from a dance recital (usually she wore her hair down and curled it). The little boys' faces had traces of ice cream or something on them...

She quickly realized hers was not the reaction her husband was hoping for, nor was it the reaction she really meant.  It didn't take long for her to truly appreciate the photo for everything it was: an authentic still capture of a husband's love for his wife, and children's love for their mother.  Now she can hardly look at the photo without tears coming to her eyes because she adores it so much. The picture tells the story of who her children really are.

When I went into my first OB appointment with this most recent pregnancy,  my doctor sat me down and along with some other fabulous advice, he told me that the third child is when you lose control.  He said I may not realize I am a controlling parent, but I soon will once the third is born, because I will find myself faced in moments in which I can't just do things my way (you know, the right way!) and my control will slip through my fingers before my very eyes. He assured me it's healthy and essential to go through this because who wants to raise children in a controlling environment?  I laughed, agreed, but still thought I wasn't a controlling parent....not really. 

Fast forward to 5 days post baby number three. It was late morning, and I was in bed catching up on sleep I had not gotten through the night. Kyle roused me from my slumber and said his parents who had been in town visiting were getting ready to leave. I came downstairs to find Kyle taking photos of his parents and children together.

And these were the initial thoughts running through my head:  Oh, you've got Savvy in that boyish T-shirt?  She didn't even comb her hair this morning!! Oh and look at Cade-- neither did he!  And whew! Boy are they stinky from racing around on their scooters all morning.   Couldn't you have at least thrown a bow in Savvy's hair!  And Ruby, too-- she could have used an outfit change....It looks like Cade needs a haircut soon....

Then I stopped myself.  Remembering both what my doctor told me, and about my girlfriend's cherished family photo, I took a deep breath, and shook off the urge to throw my kids in the tub and re-dress them before taking any more pictures. These are real captures of who my kids are with who they love.  And like my girlfriend, I adore these photos all the more because not only are they beautiful depictions of my children's love for their grandparents, they are unaltered images of who my children are. We were so lucky to have been visited by Gramma Berry, even though she wasn't feeling very well.  It was a wonderful visit and I'm glad we have these to remember it by...

Since that day I've had several more opportunities to willingly "let things go."  Savvy has done more picking out her clothes as of late.  Cade has, too.  People have dropped by to visit over the last couple of weeks and I'm in a totally dishoveled state, as is my house, but we are happy.  This phase is temporary and eventually (that's the hope anyway!) we'll be back on a routine and things will be clean, orderly, and humming along like a well-oiled machine.  I'm doing better to live in the moment and simply enjoy my little newborn.  The laundry can wait (hey, it may be in 7 different piles throughout the house, but they are all clean!) the dishes can wait, the dusting can really wait, because my little girl is growing up before my eyes and I don't want to miss a second of it...

Mama snuggling Little Ruby 

September 5, 2010