Ruby Elizabeth Woodbury
08.18.10 16:12
7lbs 2 oz. 20 inches
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Home Sweet Home *with updated birth story
After 2 days in the hospital with my feet up and being waited on by darling sweet nurses, I am now home, also with my feet up, being waited upon by my mother, husband, Dad, and 2 eager-to-please children.
I am supposed to be napping right now, but I already took two this morning (the sweet bliss of extra help! I've already got twice as much sleep in one day home than I got in the hospital. Go figure), and my mind is anxious to record my feelings...
Ruby is precious! We have a special bond, this little girl and I. Which probably makes my sisters breathe a sigh of relief because in utero I really don't hold much of a bond with my unborn child. It's one of the bizarre things about me and pregnancy. It doesn't become real until I am holding her. And then I am flooded with emotions and it's as if she's always been a part of the family.
This early on I'm always hesitant to claim my child has any sort of personality trait, perhaps for fear I am speaking way too soon. They always change to some degree and being a few days old after a traumatizing event and being very tired, it's usually too soon to tell much about how they are going to be for the long haul.... But for now, Ruby is quite an easy child and perhaps she is a little intuitive that she is the third child. She eats well and is patient. She has a calming effect-- on me anyway. She is easily soothed and like my other 2 children, not only smiles in her sleep, but laughs out loud. I love it. She sleeps great during the day...hence all the naps I've been able to take. At night, she sleeps, but likes to suck and those pacifiers are tricky to keep in....we'll figure something out.
She has a lot more hair than my other two had. After she was bathed the nurses stuck a little white bow on her head. It made me laugh out loud it was so cute. Her eyes already look like they are going to be blue. We have been so curious to see how this little girl turns out-- Blonde and blue like Cade or dark eyes and hair like Savvy. Perhaps she'll be a mix? She's beautiful, precious, and worth every ailment that came with my pregnancy. I'd do it over again. I really, really would. And I hate being pregnant. ;)
I'm thoroughly enjoying my baby fresh from heaven. Cade and Savvy adore her to pieces. I stare at her and wonder how on earth she fit?! It's so miraculous. We are blessed beyond description
The delivery (if you're interested)
The delivery went great. It is my favorite part of the journey. We arrived at the hospital around 8am. The kids were staying with Aunt Melody and were as happy as they could be with that arrangement. I arrived a little grumpy because I was feeling pretty nauseated.
After filling out all the fun paperwork and changing into the very cute hospital gown, my nurse measured me at 4cm. About an hour or so later I had an IV pumping pitocin through me. In the mean time, Kyle and I watched an episode of the West Wing. It's become a tradition for us to spend a bit of our time at the hospital when we have a baby watching our (my) current favorite TV show on DVD. Highly recommend West Wing, btw. Even if it is about a Democratic White House. Hee hee!
This induction was a little different because usually my water is broken first and then I get hooked up to the IVs and pitocin, but the doctor wasn't schedule to be back to the hospital until after lunch time. At least that's what the nurses told me. There were at least 3 babies born while I was hanging out it my room, and then the nurse told me I was the only one left. Lucky me! I had nurses pampering my every need. I felt like royalty.
At around 12:30 Dr. Lamoreaux (who also delivered Cade some 6 years ago) broke my water. It was painless and really got things moving along. I'd been hinting to the nurses for a couple hours at this point that I REALLY would like the epidural any time now. Meaning, give me the epidural before I feel ANY pain. They didn't really catch on. At the time I just thought perhaps they didn't want to be put out and that's why they were dragging their feet about the whole ordeal, but more likely than not, I didn't do a very good job of making my demand just that--- a demand. I didn't want to be squnching my face in misery while requesting the epidural. I wanted it before any of that. My ultimate goal in the labor and delivery experience---to enjoy it! It did get to the point where I was in pain and they took me seriously, so in came Dr. Todd William Johnson. I found out this time what day his birthday was-- April 4th. Or was it the 5th? Anyway, I've always wanted to send my anesthesiologist a gift on his birthday. They really have (in my opinion) the most important job in this entire process. A good epidural experience is priceless. I sent Kyle out for lunch when I suspected I'd be getting the epidural. Blood and needles and Kyle are not a safe combination. Unlucky for him, he came back just when the doctor was getting started, so Kyle helped out and let me lean on him, literally. He did great, I was really proud of him. The epidural went in without a hitch and I enjoyed the happy, pain free place I slipped into. See photo below for proof of my happiness.
About an hour or 90 minutes later (who's really keeping track of time when they are feeling light as a feather and the most comfortable they have felt in the last 9 months) I was feeling pain again. I wondered if it was time to push. ?? Nope, the nurse measured me at 8cm. It was just the epidural wearing off. Dr. Todd came in and gave me another dose of the epidural, and I was feeling good again. Kyle commented, "All right, she'll be ready to push in about 5 minutes." He meant it as a joke, but really about 10 minutes later I suggested the nurse check me again and sure enough, Ruby was ready to come.
Except, the doctor wasn't there, so we hung out for another 20 minutes or so... at which time I took advantage of the "down time" and proceeded to text close friends and family that I was about ready to push. I suppose it wasn't very nice of me to do that because I didn't get back to some of them for at least 4 or 5 more hours. Oops. I was probably better off just keeping that to myself.
The nurse took my word for it that my other two came out in a few pushes, so she didn't have me do a trial push before the doctor came. Wise choice. 4 pushes later, out our little angel came and Kyle and I were laughing and crying and snuggling our little girl all at once.
She screamed and cried until she was in my arms and then I think we both just melted. She was calm and sweet and alert...as if she knew who I was. She scored a 9.9 on her Apgar test (go Ruby!) -- my sister Melody informed me of that. I'd never thought to check before with my other two. In any case, I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude that we were blessed with yet again a healthy baby.
While Kyle and I were oogling over our little princess, the doctor was trying to coax the placenta out. Then coaxing turned into tugging and pulling and which proved unsuccessful and eventually turned into (echhhhh---TMI alert here) reaching in my insides and pulling it out. Very uncomfortable. However, the epidural was still working quite well, so it could have been worse. Much, much worse. Fortunately it came out it one piece and all that was needed after that was some antibiotics to be added to my IV line to prevent infection.
Ruby's temperature was a little low so they had me snuggle and nurse her skin to skin for about 30 minutes two times. While it was good for little Ruby, it was sad for Cade and Savvy because they didn't get to see much of her. They were pretty excited to see her little hands peeking out from the covers though and that held them off until the next day when they got to see her in full view. Kyle took the kids home and put them to bed while Ruby and I stayed in the delivery room for a couple of hours to meet her Gramma and Grampa Sheppard, Her Aunt Melody, Uncle Jon and cousins.
While visiting with my family, a sudden wave of fatigue and sleepiness came over me. It seemed kind of silly, but the nurses kept reassuring me it was because of all my hard work. I laughed. It was just 4 pushes. I didn't do anything! I'd love to take the credit for my breezy delivery, but it feels kind of silly doing that when I don't think I have much control over how it happens. My nurse kept reassuring me that I really did do a lot of work and was a fabulous patient. { Her patient next door pushed for an hour and half and made the nurse talk to her baby while she was pushing. I couldn't help but chuckle over that.} Really it was my body that did the work, and I think several weeks of poor sleep finally hit me all at once. Of course it was several hours even after that in which I was finally able to sleep, as that is the way it goes-- you know, getting your vitals checked, etc etc. Fortunately we were both healthy and really I couldn't ask for more than that.
I am supposed to be napping right now, but I already took two this morning (the sweet bliss of extra help! I've already got twice as much sleep in one day home than I got in the hospital. Go figure), and my mind is anxious to record my feelings...
Ruby is precious! We have a special bond, this little girl and I. Which probably makes my sisters breathe a sigh of relief because in utero I really don't hold much of a bond with my unborn child. It's one of the bizarre things about me and pregnancy. It doesn't become real until I am holding her. And then I am flooded with emotions and it's as if she's always been a part of the family.
This early on I'm always hesitant to claim my child has any sort of personality trait, perhaps for fear I am speaking way too soon. They always change to some degree and being a few days old after a traumatizing event and being very tired, it's usually too soon to tell much about how they are going to be for the long haul.... But for now, Ruby is quite an easy child and perhaps she is a little intuitive that she is the third child. She eats well and is patient. She has a calming effect-- on me anyway. She is easily soothed and like my other 2 children, not only smiles in her sleep, but laughs out loud. I love it. She sleeps great during the day...hence all the naps I've been able to take. At night, she sleeps, but likes to suck and those pacifiers are tricky to keep in....we'll figure something out.
She has a lot more hair than my other two had. After she was bathed the nurses stuck a little white bow on her head. It made me laugh out loud it was so cute. Her eyes already look like they are going to be blue. We have been so curious to see how this little girl turns out-- Blonde and blue like Cade or dark eyes and hair like Savvy. Perhaps she'll be a mix? She's beautiful, precious, and worth every ailment that came with my pregnancy. I'd do it over again. I really, really would. And I hate being pregnant. ;)
I'm thoroughly enjoying my baby fresh from heaven. Cade and Savvy adore her to pieces. I stare at her and wonder how on earth she fit?! It's so miraculous. We are blessed beyond description
The delivery (if you're interested)
The delivery went great. It is my favorite part of the journey. We arrived at the hospital around 8am. The kids were staying with Aunt Melody and were as happy as they could be with that arrangement. I arrived a little grumpy because I was feeling pretty nauseated.
After filling out all the fun paperwork and changing into the very cute hospital gown, my nurse measured me at 4cm. About an hour or so later I had an IV pumping pitocin through me. In the mean time, Kyle and I watched an episode of the West Wing. It's become a tradition for us to spend a bit of our time at the hospital when we have a baby watching our (my) current favorite TV show on DVD. Highly recommend West Wing, btw. Even if it is about a Democratic White House. Hee hee!
This induction was a little different because usually my water is broken first and then I get hooked up to the IVs and pitocin, but the doctor wasn't schedule to be back to the hospital until after lunch time. At least that's what the nurses told me. There were at least 3 babies born while I was hanging out it my room, and then the nurse told me I was the only one left. Lucky me! I had nurses pampering my every need. I felt like royalty.
At around 12:30 Dr. Lamoreaux (who also delivered Cade some 6 years ago) broke my water. It was painless and really got things moving along. I'd been hinting to the nurses for a couple hours at this point that I REALLY would like the epidural any time now. Meaning, give me the epidural before I feel ANY pain. They didn't really catch on. At the time I just thought perhaps they didn't want to be put out and that's why they were dragging their feet about the whole ordeal, but more likely than not, I didn't do a very good job of making my demand just that--- a demand. I didn't want to be squnching my face in misery while requesting the epidural. I wanted it before any of that. My ultimate goal in the labor and delivery experience---to enjoy it! It did get to the point where I was in pain and they took me seriously, so in came Dr. Todd William Johnson. I found out this time what day his birthday was-- April 4th. Or was it the 5th? Anyway, I've always wanted to send my anesthesiologist a gift on his birthday. They really have (in my opinion) the most important job in this entire process. A good epidural experience is priceless. I sent Kyle out for lunch when I suspected I'd be getting the epidural. Blood and needles and Kyle are not a safe combination. Unlucky for him, he came back just when the doctor was getting started, so Kyle helped out and let me lean on him, literally. He did great, I was really proud of him. The epidural went in without a hitch and I enjoyed the happy, pain free place I slipped into. See photo below for proof of my happiness.
About an hour or 90 minutes later (who's really keeping track of time when they are feeling light as a feather and the most comfortable they have felt in the last 9 months) I was feeling pain again. I wondered if it was time to push. ?? Nope, the nurse measured me at 8cm. It was just the epidural wearing off. Dr. Todd came in and gave me another dose of the epidural, and I was feeling good again. Kyle commented, "All right, she'll be ready to push in about 5 minutes." He meant it as a joke, but really about 10 minutes later I suggested the nurse check me again and sure enough, Ruby was ready to come.
Except, the doctor wasn't there, so we hung out for another 20 minutes or so... at which time I took advantage of the "down time" and proceeded to text close friends and family that I was about ready to push. I suppose it wasn't very nice of me to do that because I didn't get back to some of them for at least 4 or 5 more hours. Oops. I was probably better off just keeping that to myself.
The nurse took my word for it that my other two came out in a few pushes, so she didn't have me do a trial push before the doctor came. Wise choice. 4 pushes later, out our little angel came and Kyle and I were laughing and crying and snuggling our little girl all at once.
She screamed and cried until she was in my arms and then I think we both just melted. She was calm and sweet and alert...as if she knew who I was. She scored a 9.9 on her Apgar test (go Ruby!) -- my sister Melody informed me of that. I'd never thought to check before with my other two. In any case, I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude that we were blessed with yet again a healthy baby.
While Kyle and I were oogling over our little princess, the doctor was trying to coax the placenta out. Then coaxing turned into tugging and pulling and which proved unsuccessful and eventually turned into (echhhhh---TMI alert here) reaching in my insides and pulling it out. Very uncomfortable. However, the epidural was still working quite well, so it could have been worse. Much, much worse. Fortunately it came out it one piece and all that was needed after that was some antibiotics to be added to my IV line to prevent infection.
Ruby's temperature was a little low so they had me snuggle and nurse her skin to skin for about 30 minutes two times. While it was good for little Ruby, it was sad for Cade and Savvy because they didn't get to see much of her. They were pretty excited to see her little hands peeking out from the covers though and that held them off until the next day when they got to see her in full view. Kyle took the kids home and put them to bed while Ruby and I stayed in the delivery room for a couple of hours to meet her Gramma and Grampa Sheppard, Her Aunt Melody, Uncle Jon and cousins.
While visiting with my family, a sudden wave of fatigue and sleepiness came over me. It seemed kind of silly, but the nurses kept reassuring me it was because of all my hard work. I laughed. It was just 4 pushes. I didn't do anything! I'd love to take the credit for my breezy delivery, but it feels kind of silly doing that when I don't think I have much control over how it happens. My nurse kept reassuring me that I really did do a lot of work and was a fabulous patient. { Her patient next door pushed for an hour and half and made the nurse talk to her baby while she was pushing. I couldn't help but chuckle over that.} Really it was my body that did the work, and I think several weeks of poor sleep finally hit me all at once. Of course it was several hours even after that in which I was finally able to sleep, as that is the way it goes-- you know, getting your vitals checked, etc etc. Fortunately we were both healthy and really I couldn't ask for more than that.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The circle of life
A few nights ago when I was tucking Cade into bed he said to me very somberly, "Mom, I know a happy thing and a sad thing. You know what they are? Ruby is going to be born soon...and Gramma Berry is going to die."
Those tender words broke my heart, yet warmed it at the same time to hear Cade verbalize exactly the two things that have been weighing heavily upon mine and Kyle's minds the last week and a half.
On Sunday, August 8th, we received the news that Mary's cancer had matastecized in her lungs, liver and possibly brain. After a series of doctors appointments in the following days these shocking preliminary diagnoses confirmed our fears. The words "terminal" and "6 to 12 months" were used and have been echoing through our minds these last several days.
I feel it was such a tender mercy that my children just got to spend 5 precious days with their Grandma before this happened. There is still so much unknown about her future and my heart breaks for Kyle, his father, and his siblings especially. I'm saddened that the days my children have to make memories with their Gramma Berry are numbered. What has brought me strength are the conversations we've had with Cade and Savannah about this. We've been very honest and open about her declining health and it has given us a chance to share with them on a deeply personal level our testimonies of the plan of salvation. I know in all reality, all of our days are numbered with our loved ones and rarely do we know when our time will be. It is a blessing we have a little notice so we can make the most of what time we do have with Mary.
My heart is heavy and also full of gratitude. These last several days have brought Kyle's family closer together and each of us closer the Christ. I have been in awe of the strength and wisdom of my husband, who has been such a source of comfort to me, though one would think it should be the other way around. After all, it is his mother. That is one of the sweet blessings that comes in marriage. You take turns being there for the other and being the strong one, and perhaps in time I will have a chance to be the one Kyle leans on. For now, he remains my rock and I am ever grateful.
Earlier this afternoon we delivered a healthy baby girl. It was a sweet and powerful moment to hold our little one fresh from heaven who is so very perfect. Words can never quite capture the emotion that comes from that experience. It's precious. I am humbled and so grateful everything went well and she is healthy. I hope to never take that for granted---health. Life is so short, and each moment a gift. I am feeling that more profoundly now than I ever have before.
For those who would like to follow my mother-in-law's journey her blog is http://marycancervive.blogspot.com Be sure to have some tissues on hand.
Those tender words broke my heart, yet warmed it at the same time to hear Cade verbalize exactly the two things that have been weighing heavily upon mine and Kyle's minds the last week and a half.
On Sunday, August 8th, we received the news that Mary's cancer had matastecized in her lungs, liver and possibly brain. After a series of doctors appointments in the following days these shocking preliminary diagnoses confirmed our fears. The words "terminal" and "6 to 12 months" were used and have been echoing through our minds these last several days.
I feel it was such a tender mercy that my children just got to spend 5 precious days with their Grandma before this happened. There is still so much unknown about her future and my heart breaks for Kyle, his father, and his siblings especially. I'm saddened that the days my children have to make memories with their Gramma Berry are numbered. What has brought me strength are the conversations we've had with Cade and Savannah about this. We've been very honest and open about her declining health and it has given us a chance to share with them on a deeply personal level our testimonies of the plan of salvation. I know in all reality, all of our days are numbered with our loved ones and rarely do we know when our time will be. It is a blessing we have a little notice so we can make the most of what time we do have with Mary.
My heart is heavy and also full of gratitude. These last several days have brought Kyle's family closer together and each of us closer the Christ. I have been in awe of the strength and wisdom of my husband, who has been such a source of comfort to me, though one would think it should be the other way around. After all, it is his mother. That is one of the sweet blessings that comes in marriage. You take turns being there for the other and being the strong one, and perhaps in time I will have a chance to be the one Kyle leans on. For now, he remains my rock and I am ever grateful.
Earlier this afternoon we delivered a healthy baby girl. It was a sweet and powerful moment to hold our little one fresh from heaven who is so very perfect. Words can never quite capture the emotion that comes from that experience. It's precious. I am humbled and so grateful everything went well and she is healthy. I hope to never take that for granted---health. Life is so short, and each moment a gift. I am feeling that more profoundly now than I ever have before.
For those who would like to follow my mother-in-law's journey her blog is http://marycancervive.blogspot.com Be sure to have some tissues on hand.
Feeding the pigs on the farm:
Saturday, August 7, 2010
One of "those" days
When Sav woke me up this morning just after 6, I wanted to cry. I already could feel that it was going to be "one of those days." Exhaustion, nausea, fatigue (which is probably the same as exhaustion... but using an additional noun seems so fitting!) were going to be my companions for the day. After getting the kids breakfast Cade had a brilliant idea: To unearth the "noisy toys bin" from the basement. We soon remembered why all the noisy toys have stayed in the bin the last few months--- they all needed batteries. Batteries we had! Less than ten minutes later, all the noisy toys were up and going and Mom found herself back in the horizontal position for the next few hours to endure the day. I think that was Cade's best idea yet.
After the noisy toys lost their excitement, we went swimming. Or rather, I stumbled from the couch, walked through the kitchen and plopped on the lounge chair on the back deck and watched on as my little ones took a swim in our pool. While watching them splash around happily I felt a bit of guilt. There I could sit in the shade in my not-so-pleasant state, and there they could swim happily in the sun, exert TONS of energy while having a blast. Life doesn't always present itself with perfect solutions like that.
Then Savvy took a nap. So did I. Cade played quietly in his room. What a dream.
After naps we noticed the wind was good outside so I peeled myself off the couch and we attempted to fly Savvy's kite for a few minutes.
And then "we" went swimming again. This time I took pictures:
Thanks to the crock pot, we had dinner and a breakthrough moment: Savvy ate ribs! As in meat. Up to this point Sav has been a very hit and miss gal when it came to all forms of meat. She usually declares before putting any form of meat to her lips, that she simply does not like it. Well, today she took 2 bites (that was all I put on her plate-- you know, to make the meal seem more do-able for her) of the ribs and ASKED FOR MORE. It was a hallelujiah moment for sure. We called Dad to report the news. Cade, of course, ate his meal without a word of complaint. I hope he continues to rub off on his sister!
I mustered the energy at 6:30pm to put on make-up and drove down the street with the kids to a reception. The plan was to get there right at 7 so I could just park the car at the house real quick while the kids waited in their seats, drop off the gift at the table and be back in a few seconds. The make-up was just in case someone saw me. Well, the street was packed and we had to park several homes away! So, out the kids came, all freshly bathed and in their jammies and we walked down to the reception. I know it doesn't really matter my kids were in PJs, but I was rather self-conscious. Mine were the only children there--- and being in their sleep-wear made them even more conspicuous. We said our hellos, gave our gift and then before we left, Sav and Cade got to fill a little baggie full of pink treats: Gumballs, M&Ms, popcorn, jelly beans...... It was the best reception they'd ever been to. For one, they weren't dressed in a stuffy shirt and tie or a dress, two, we only stayed 5 minutes, and three, , they got to come home with deluctable treats.
So I'd say it was a very salvaged day. Thank you batteries, thank you pool, thank you wind, thank you crock pot, and thank you darling couple who got married and had a little candy shoppe at your reception. Thanks to all of you my kids will not think of today as the day their mom lived on the couch. I am fortunate it turned out to be a lovely "one of those days" for them.
Friday, August 6, 2010
A tale of 2 babies...
Last night as I was taking advantage of a surge of energy I chuckled to myself how not ready I have been for my other two children to enter this world. Indulge me a moment while I take you on a little journey whilst I reminisce of my two babies.....
Cade's story is far from the romantic, perfectly planned baby story. His conception was a shock, the pregnancy was miserable, and I was in denial of becoming a parent. Night after night I had dreams of losing my baby during childbirth, and a huge part of me disconnected from the idea of having a baby. I suppose it was my method of protecting myself from pain. We were living in our quaint two bedroom apt in Provo. Kyle and I were both going to school at the time. I was due March 6th. There was no nursery to set up or get all cute. A month after the baby was born, we'd be heading East for Pest Control for the summer. I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl, so I didn't have any clothes, except a few yellow and white onesies. No swing, high chair, or changing table. I did, in fact, have a huge SUVish travel system to tote my new baby in style (that was back when bigger seemed to be better for some reason?!). When Monday, March 15th arrived, I was not intending to go to the hospital to have a baby. I was just going to have a stress test and pray that they'd give me permission to go until Friday to have the baby (you know, have the baby over the weekend and then head back to class). I (or Cade rather?) failed the stress test, so I was told to stay put and it was time to have this baby. Back home, clothes were in the washer and dryer, dishes in the sink, and Kyle was in class. I don't know how I got a hold of him since I was the one with the cell phone that day (Can you believe we shared a phone and 400 minutes between the two of us back then?!!!!!) I did have my bag packed, so Kyle brought it (minus my make-up bag and toiletries---sad!). There were a few scares with our baby's heart beat dropping and I remember squeezing Kyle's hand so tight until it came back in normal range. I wish the nurse hadn't taught me how to read the monitors. Ignorance is bliss sometimes. I was trying to prepare myself for what my dreams had been made of. At 3pm I was pumped full of pitocin and by 6pm I was more than ready for my epidural after giving the natural thing a go for more than long enough. I mean, my mother always told me natural childbirth "isn't that bad." 45 minutes later, I was a grumpy girl when the anesthesiologist arrived. When he left, I was smiling angelically and thanking him profusely for putting me out of my misery. At just past midnight my son was born thankfully pretty effortlessly. I kept feeling pressure and finally said something to the nurse. I was ready to deliver and the doctor barely made it on my second push to catch him.... Him? My son?! I wasn't expecting it. While we opted not to find out (that was back when I thought I liked surprises), I still was expecting a girl. I had numerous dreams about this little dark-haired baby girl so I just assumed it was all part of the maternal instincts thing and I was in touch. Apparently I wasn't and holding my son put me in a state of shock that lasted a day. I remember feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and feeling a wave of responsibility so huge it consumed me entirely. I wept that night (while Kyle, the proud father of a son slept soundly of course) thinking how on earth was I allowed to be a parent? What qualified me to be a mother to this new child? The next day went better and the overwhelming feelings abated and when I held my little baby, all 6 lbs and 7 oz of him, he didn't feel like such a stranger. We had not settled on a name and finally just seconds before being discharged I scribbled on the form "Caden" just to get the discharge nurses to leave me alone. Three days later I decided he looked more like a "Cade" and called the hospital in the nick of time. They were actually processing his birth records when I called. How's that for lucky and saving me weeks of paperwork with the Social Security office? When I got home from the hospital my mother was there to take care of me. She came with armfuls of little boy sleepers. What a blessing! A girlfriend dropped off a tub and a bouncer for me to borrow. Cade slept in that bouncer until we left for Virginia, it was a life saver. As soon as he was home, all I wanted to do was hold him. I did go back to my classes (though a lot less focused and settled on Bs instead of As for a good portion of them) a week after having him (my English class gave me a standing ovation when I arrived--- it was so embarrassing) and he proved to be a very easy going guy with Kyle and I's routine. He traveled well and I got to spend the summer free from the stresses of school while Kyle worked his long hours. I kept busy, working on projects that summer , snuggled Cade lots and found a happy balance. I couldn't imagine my life without him. Funny how quickly that happens.
Savannah's story is a little more romantic, and predictable . She was a planned pregnancy. It was miserable, but I half expected it to be that way, which helped. We had just moved into our cozy little cape cod in the suburbs of Chicago during my first trimester. Being so sick prevented me from doing much in the form of unpacking and settling, much less setting up a nursery, but she did have a crib and this time I decided a changing table was a must. How I survived Cade's first 2 years without one, I'll never know. Even though the changing table didn't get set up until a few hours before I came home from the hospital with Sav, at least it was up! This time we (or was it I?) decided to find out what we were having, so on a trip to Utah, we went to Jennie, the fabulous ultrasound technician, and she predicted a baby girl. I discovered this wonderful school in the town over that hosted a "yard sale" twice annually and scored on all things baby for very inexpensive--- clothing, a double stroller, and a high chair. With a few days before delivery, my sister Melody came to visit and put me in shock and awe at everything "most people do" in preparation for baby. She washed all the baby clothes, organized them, made me like 8 frozen meals to put out in my freezer.... I felt kind of silly. I guess I had never really known what it was like to "prepare for a baby" for some reason. I was just young, naive, and focused so much on enduring the misery I was feeling rather than think ahead.
When Savvy was born, it was a lot less shocking, an entirely calm and wonderful experience and the second she was placed on my chest, and I had a glimpse of why my Relief Society president gave birth to a dozen children. Her induction was planned, and I got my epidural before I even felt a single painful contraction. She came out in two pushes and it was love at first sight. The nursery didn't really get "finished" until Savvy was 6 months old, but at that point we realized she was best off sleeping in the laundry room where it was dark and closed off. I felt a huge accomplishment was having Cade's room all ready for him before the baby was born. That was important to me.
As I think back to both stories, I could see it as "it wasn't how it's supposed to be." Our lives haven't followed what some may view as the American dream: Being done with school, exploring our careers, having been married a few years and traveling the world. We hadn't bought our "we'll be here forever" house and been settled for a couple years before seeing the two pink lines on the stick. I didn't get professional pictures of me with my adorable little baby bump, I didn't blog every week or even month on the progress of my baby and gush over the emotional bonds I felt with my children. I didn't have a photographer at the hospital to document my labor story, I didn't get professional pictures of my babies taken within their first week of life, I didn't have their rooms all up and adorable, heavens, I didn't even have my own home in order when our babies were born. I didn't have all the gadgets, and gizmos (not even a Bumbo chair---gasp!), or have my mom stay with me for 3 weeks after the baby was born to dote on my every need. I didn't have......
Okay...really.
Did my children survive? Yes! Did I survive? Yes? Will they care that I didn't document every moment of their lives? I hope not. :) I bet my parents watch as each of us have our children and chuckle at the silly things we fret over. There's was the era that a drawer suited the baby just fine. Who needed a bassinet, port-o-crib or swing? Heavens, what was a car seat? For the record, I do believe in car seats. Very strongly. I do know what's important. To me, to the baby, and to our family. The rest is just extras. Nothing can ever be exactly how we picture it, but really, it's all very beautiful. Our first baby was a raw episode where youth and inexperience meets a miracle. The second was an improvement of the first, yet we were still young and learning, but fortunately able to appreciate the miracle of life a little earlier (not being in denial about a baby was much more enjoyable, although I was sicker with Sav).
And this third one? Well, it has kind of been a combination of the two. She was planned, but when she actually made her presence known, it was very unexpected, because she took so much longer to get here. We moved into this home in my first trimester, and there is still so much unpacking and organizing to get done, so I do still feel like I am giving birth in a somewhat chaotic environment much like the other two. However, I have learned if my kids are situated happily in their spaces, I feel better about things. So Sav has been moved to her big girl room, and Cade's room is finished. The nursery is pretty bare, but the essentials are there. I have a crib up, and am using Cade's old dresser as a changing table and it works great. I even have a glider. I sometimes just sit in it and rock and try and imagine my life with three children. I have forgone the entire "travel system" stroller idea and am content with my little Graco Snap N Go. I took the bin of little girl clothes my sis dropped off several months ago when her newborn had grown out of stuff and washed them last night... I am learning! I plan to be induced, and hope it all goes my way. ( I have since discovered about myself that surprises really aren't my thing). I'm crossing my fingers I'll arrive August 18th at the hospital and have a very pleasant birthing experience like the other two.
The kids are having fun watching the slow transformation of a home when one is preparing for baby and they are excited. I think they are the ones that bring me the most joy about having this baby. Having children anxiously waiting the arrival of their little sister is priceless. Every day they ask if today is the day, or if it's still "a lot of days away". I love it.
So as the cliche goes...."Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" --- oh how far from perfect our lives have been, and how beautiful all of it is.
Cade's story is far from the romantic, perfectly planned baby story. His conception was a shock, the pregnancy was miserable, and I was in denial of becoming a parent. Night after night I had dreams of losing my baby during childbirth, and a huge part of me disconnected from the idea of having a baby. I suppose it was my method of protecting myself from pain. We were living in our quaint two bedroom apt in Provo. Kyle and I were both going to school at the time. I was due March 6th. There was no nursery to set up or get all cute. A month after the baby was born, we'd be heading East for Pest Control for the summer. I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl, so I didn't have any clothes, except a few yellow and white onesies. No swing, high chair, or changing table. I did, in fact, have a huge SUVish travel system to tote my new baby in style (that was back when bigger seemed to be better for some reason?!). When Monday, March 15th arrived, I was not intending to go to the hospital to have a baby. I was just going to have a stress test and pray that they'd give me permission to go until Friday to have the baby (you know, have the baby over the weekend and then head back to class). I (or Cade rather?) failed the stress test, so I was told to stay put and it was time to have this baby. Back home, clothes were in the washer and dryer, dishes in the sink, and Kyle was in class. I don't know how I got a hold of him since I was the one with the cell phone that day (Can you believe we shared a phone and 400 minutes between the two of us back then?!!!!!) I did have my bag packed, so Kyle brought it (minus my make-up bag and toiletries---sad!). There were a few scares with our baby's heart beat dropping and I remember squeezing Kyle's hand so tight until it came back in normal range. I wish the nurse hadn't taught me how to read the monitors. Ignorance is bliss sometimes. I was trying to prepare myself for what my dreams had been made of. At 3pm I was pumped full of pitocin and by 6pm I was more than ready for my epidural after giving the natural thing a go for more than long enough. I mean, my mother always told me natural childbirth "isn't that bad." 45 minutes later, I was a grumpy girl when the anesthesiologist arrived. When he left, I was smiling angelically and thanking him profusely for putting me out of my misery. At just past midnight my son was born thankfully pretty effortlessly. I kept feeling pressure and finally said something to the nurse. I was ready to deliver and the doctor barely made it on my second push to catch him.... Him? My son?! I wasn't expecting it. While we opted not to find out (that was back when I thought I liked surprises), I still was expecting a girl. I had numerous dreams about this little dark-haired baby girl so I just assumed it was all part of the maternal instincts thing and I was in touch. Apparently I wasn't and holding my son put me in a state of shock that lasted a day. I remember feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and feeling a wave of responsibility so huge it consumed me entirely. I wept that night (while Kyle, the proud father of a son slept soundly of course) thinking how on earth was I allowed to be a parent? What qualified me to be a mother to this new child? The next day went better and the overwhelming feelings abated and when I held my little baby, all 6 lbs and 7 oz of him, he didn't feel like such a stranger. We had not settled on a name and finally just seconds before being discharged I scribbled on the form "Caden" just to get the discharge nurses to leave me alone. Three days later I decided he looked more like a "Cade" and called the hospital in the nick of time. They were actually processing his birth records when I called. How's that for lucky and saving me weeks of paperwork with the Social Security office? When I got home from the hospital my mother was there to take care of me. She came with armfuls of little boy sleepers. What a blessing! A girlfriend dropped off a tub and a bouncer for me to borrow. Cade slept in that bouncer until we left for Virginia, it was a life saver. As soon as he was home, all I wanted to do was hold him. I did go back to my classes (though a lot less focused and settled on Bs instead of As for a good portion of them) a week after having him (my English class gave me a standing ovation when I arrived--- it was so embarrassing) and he proved to be a very easy going guy with Kyle and I's routine. He traveled well and I got to spend the summer free from the stresses of school while Kyle worked his long hours. I kept busy, working on projects that summer , snuggled Cade lots and found a happy balance. I couldn't imagine my life without him. Funny how quickly that happens.
Savannah's story is a little more romantic, and predictable . She was a planned pregnancy. It was miserable, but I half expected it to be that way, which helped. We had just moved into our cozy little cape cod in the suburbs of Chicago during my first trimester. Being so sick prevented me from doing much in the form of unpacking and settling, much less setting up a nursery, but she did have a crib and this time I decided a changing table was a must. How I survived Cade's first 2 years without one, I'll never know. Even though the changing table didn't get set up until a few hours before I came home from the hospital with Sav, at least it was up! This time we (or was it I?) decided to find out what we were having, so on a trip to Utah, we went to Jennie, the fabulous ultrasound technician, and she predicted a baby girl. I discovered this wonderful school in the town over that hosted a "yard sale" twice annually and scored on all things baby for very inexpensive--- clothing, a double stroller, and a high chair. With a few days before delivery, my sister Melody came to visit and put me in shock and awe at everything "most people do" in preparation for baby. She washed all the baby clothes, organized them, made me like 8 frozen meals to put out in my freezer.... I felt kind of silly. I guess I had never really known what it was like to "prepare for a baby" for some reason. I was just young, naive, and focused so much on enduring the misery I was feeling rather than think ahead.
When Savvy was born, it was a lot less shocking, an entirely calm and wonderful experience and the second she was placed on my chest, and I had a glimpse of why my Relief Society president gave birth to a dozen children. Her induction was planned, and I got my epidural before I even felt a single painful contraction. She came out in two pushes and it was love at first sight. The nursery didn't really get "finished" until Savvy was 6 months old, but at that point we realized she was best off sleeping in the laundry room where it was dark and closed off. I felt a huge accomplishment was having Cade's room all ready for him before the baby was born. That was important to me.
As I think back to both stories, I could see it as "it wasn't how it's supposed to be." Our lives haven't followed what some may view as the American dream: Being done with school, exploring our careers, having been married a few years and traveling the world. We hadn't bought our "we'll be here forever" house and been settled for a couple years before seeing the two pink lines on the stick. I didn't get professional pictures of me with my adorable little baby bump, I didn't blog every week or even month on the progress of my baby and gush over the emotional bonds I felt with my children. I didn't have a photographer at the hospital to document my labor story, I didn't get professional pictures of my babies taken within their first week of life, I didn't have their rooms all up and adorable, heavens, I didn't even have my own home in order when our babies were born. I didn't have all the gadgets, and gizmos (not even a Bumbo chair---gasp!), or have my mom stay with me for 3 weeks after the baby was born to dote on my every need. I didn't have......
Okay...really.
Did my children survive? Yes! Did I survive? Yes? Will they care that I didn't document every moment of their lives? I hope not. :) I bet my parents watch as each of us have our children and chuckle at the silly things we fret over. There's was the era that a drawer suited the baby just fine. Who needed a bassinet, port-o-crib or swing? Heavens, what was a car seat? For the record, I do believe in car seats. Very strongly. I do know what's important. To me, to the baby, and to our family. The rest is just extras. Nothing can ever be exactly how we picture it, but really, it's all very beautiful. Our first baby was a raw episode where youth and inexperience meets a miracle. The second was an improvement of the first, yet we were still young and learning, but fortunately able to appreciate the miracle of life a little earlier (not being in denial about a baby was much more enjoyable, although I was sicker with Sav).
And this third one? Well, it has kind of been a combination of the two. She was planned, but when she actually made her presence known, it was very unexpected, because she took so much longer to get here. We moved into this home in my first trimester, and there is still so much unpacking and organizing to get done, so I do still feel like I am giving birth in a somewhat chaotic environment much like the other two. However, I have learned if my kids are situated happily in their spaces, I feel better about things. So Sav has been moved to her big girl room, and Cade's room is finished. The nursery is pretty bare, but the essentials are there. I have a crib up, and am using Cade's old dresser as a changing table and it works great. I even have a glider. I sometimes just sit in it and rock and try and imagine my life with three children. I have forgone the entire "travel system" stroller idea and am content with my little Graco Snap N Go. I took the bin of little girl clothes my sis dropped off several months ago when her newborn had grown out of stuff and washed them last night... I am learning! I plan to be induced, and hope it all goes my way. ( I have since discovered about myself that surprises really aren't my thing). I'm crossing my fingers I'll arrive August 18th at the hospital and have a very pleasant birthing experience like the other two.
The kids are having fun watching the slow transformation of a home when one is preparing for baby and they are excited. I think they are the ones that bring me the most joy about having this baby. Having children anxiously waiting the arrival of their little sister is priceless. Every day they ask if today is the day, or if it's still "a lot of days away". I love it.
So as the cliche goes...."Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" --- oh how far from perfect our lives have been, and how beautiful all of it is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)