39 Days

On Monday, May 31 at approximately 1:23pm I very gratefully handed over my temporary card as a single parent. I was pretty strong and held it together during my 39 days of single parenthood. But as soon as I saw Kyle at the Chicago Midway airport I melted to a puddle of tears; weak, tired, and exhausted beyond description. I didn't want to be strong any more. I just wanted to be a mother with a husband.

My heart is full of gratitude to the military wives (and husbands) out there who go for months at a time taking on the task of raising the children without a partner.

It's tough stuff.

I don't understand the hype behind celebrity women adopting babies or getting impregnated willfully and intentionally to be single mothers.  As my uncle so eloquently pointed out, these women plan on hiring nannies and won't really be raising the kids on their own.  But still. Why try to give it a go on your own from the beginning?!

The 5.5 weeks prior to our reunion was nothing short of a whirlwind. While the days were sometimes long, they went by so fast.  And the cliche'd saying "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" -- yeah, that totally applies.  I gained a deeper appreciation for my husband in all aspects.  From honey-do labors, to errand running, and emotional support ---  I realized I took much of my teammate and husband for granted.

Lifting, for one.  I hadn't realized how much lifting I demanded of Kyle.  Since I can't (or shouldn't) lift anything being great with child and all, this left me many times in much of a predicament.   Like one day I finally decided, "I am tired of the secretary's desk being in the basement, I am ready to move it upstairs. Oh yeah, I couldn't move it. And no honey to move it for me. And then there's mowing the lawn.  While I could mow it, I couldn't lift the bag of grass to empty it.  Buying furniture?  I preyed upon my Dad, brother-in-law and neighbors for help loading and unloading the two purchases I braved buying in Kyle's absence.  No one likes asking people for favors and help...I felt like that's all I did anymore-- was ask people to carry and lift things for me. Not cool.

Shoe tying.  Now that my midsection has expanded considerably, bending over to tie my shoes is like a game of twister. I tried to contort and hoist my body in all sorts of directions to attempt tying my shoes and finally gave up and put slip-ons on.  Had Kyle been around, I would have just called upon him to not only tie the shoes, but put the shoes on, too.

Kyle is our family photographer-- and boy did I miss that. He's always carrying the camera around, and he takes the best pictures.  I was mourning the absence of our family photographer greatly during Cade's last week of school. Clearly those shots are far from fantastic, I was just happy I remembered the camera.

Emotional support.  At the end of a particularly long day, it's nice to bounce thoughts off to your spouse, almost in a confessional sort of way, like what a horrible job of parenting you felt like you did. You can expose all your rottenness and crankiness that your children witnessed...even shed some tears, commit to do better, be more patient, and pick only the necessary battles while your teammate can give you a hug, a nod, or a leg pat, or all three even and doesn't have to say a word for you to feel totally heard and understood.  Yeah, I missed that.

Mental Health Dates. Kyle also has a way of shoving me out of the house to do something other than being a mother and housekeeper  which in turn keeps me sane. While sometimes I complain that he never gives me any notice-- he'll just spur it on me and expect me to leave the house giddy and thrilled to get away, the truth is, getting away with 2 minutes notice is better than not getting away at all.   I didn't do a very good job of scheduling some mental sanity dates with myself.... I mostly self-medicated with Oreos when the kids were tucked in bed at night which probably isn't such a great idea.  Okay, it's totally not a good idea.   When I did get a sitter, I used the time out to run more errands or attend some sort of function or meeting I felt in some part responsible for taking part in.  Which, it's great I did get out and away from the kids a bit, it wasn't very much. Or I guess it didn't feel like very much, and towards the end of the single-momma stint, I could feel it wearing on me.  Enough so that  I had set a goal (as bizarre as it sounds) to get a pedicure before I came out to Chicago.  That would guarantee an hour of uninterrupted quiet time and a foot rub.   It sounded like a delicious idea, but the time to do that quickly vanished.  Had Kyle been around, he would have made it happen.

All the little jobs around the house I couldn't tack on to a honey-do list.  Like purchasing that little part for the dishwasher we've been needing for weeks and weeks. Taking out the garbage. Buying salt for the water softener. Hanging up pictures, moving bins up and downstairs or out of the garage.... the list went on.  While it's great it forced me to be more independent and self-reliant, I am grateful to have a man around the house most of the year so all of this isn't weighing on me all of the time.

Now there were a few things I didn't mind about his absence. We have to think about the positive, right? Reclaiming the pantry was one of them. Kyle will sometimes take it upon himself to do the grocery shopping-- sometimes unannounced. He'll just come home and stock the pantry and fridge full of the stuff that my kids are crazy about, that I am trying to wean them off of.  Did you know there is a chocolate and marshmallow cereal out there?  It's like Cocoa Puffs meets Lucky Charms. My kids LOVE that stuff, so Kyle buys it.  Kyle loves to have a variety of chips, juices, and drinks around, too.  While I'm the first to admit I love me a good Dorito, bowl of Cocoa Puffs, or can of Root Beer, it's just easier to eat healthy, and promote my kids eating healthy if it's not there in the pantry.  So when Kyle left, so did the junk. And you know what? My kids survived. Kix, Cheerios, Special K w/ strawberries for breakfast. Or Oatmeal.  And they didn't complain!  It was nice.

I was a bit nervous when Kyle said he did some grocery shopping for us to prepare for our arrival. I had visions of Chocoberry Crunch cereal and bags upon bags of Cheetos or those cups of yogurt with candy to stir in....He pleasantly surprised me with some Honey Nut Cheerios for the kids.  Yes, there were items I never would have purchased myself-- Dora yogurt for example (Savannah was in heaven. She once threw  a fit about it in the grocery store when I wouldn't buy it.  come to think about it, I swore I was on the phone with Kyle while it was happening. Of COURSE he would buy her Dora yogurt!) and frozen corn dogs, but those I can handle.

In the mean time the idea is to pretend like I am on vacation. I am out of my home which means my unfinished projects and extended to-do list in preparation for Baby are no longer staring at me in the face. We are living it up in our former neighbor's basement apartment.  Which really doesn't feel like a basement. It's a walk-out, fully furnished home with plenty of space and toys.  The backyard is gloriously large and full of adventure for the kids. We bought a pass to the local pool slash water park and we go as often as we can.

Kyle's hours are the typical summer ones that we have grown accustomed to when we first met 9 years ago -- long.  We see him for just a blink in the morning and rarely again before the kids go to bed, but it is still nice to finally all be together again.  My 39 days of parenting solo was more than enough time to make me realize I'd like to not have to do it again.