My mirror is gone...

Recently on a beautiful spring Friday evening a neighbor of mine was hanging out in my culdesac, watching her husband work on a fence he was contracted out to do by one of the neighbors. My kids were playing together and running around the front yard happily, so I basked inthe opportunity to get to know this woman. She had an amazing story. And she taught me something that has caused me to approach my weeks as a single mother in a different manner...

Her first husband died of Huntington's disease. For several years she did it all-worked, took care of her husband who could not even speak, raised the children and made all the decisions. He died and she later met the man she is now married to. She was very open about the difficult transitions that come with second marriages, specifically that her current husband is a mirror.

I was confused.  A mirror?  She explained that her first husband was not a mirror. He couldn't speak. All he could do was just light up when she walked into the room. As his caretaker, she was his world, and in his eyes she walked on water. She was an amazing, independent woman that handled it all.

Now she has a husband who speaks. (he sings, too. It was such a lovely few days while he was working on the fence to come outside and hear him singing hymns as he worked.) He can give her feedback, address issues, disagree with her on things, and in  way, hold up a mirror. She sees herself for who she truly is around him, faults and all, and that has been a difficult transition.  With her first husband, she was a saint as far as he was concerned, but now she feels far more accountable for her actions and she is much more aware of her shortcomings. Not necessarily because her husband brings them to her attention, but because she knows he is aware of them.

A lightbulb went off in my head.

For years now I have taken on the role as the Wife of a Salesman. For four summers  now it has evolved into the wife of a business owner, but it's all the same...routine-wise anyway. Meaning, there is no routine.  It is a strange lifestyle to many, but to me, it is all I have ever known.  I have always openly admitted the difficulty I have transitioning from spring to summer, and summer to fall.  Summer is when we don't really get to see much of Kyle. In the past, we've always resided where he was working, but I would still expect to see very little of him. .After a week or so of the Summer schedule, I'd toughen up and get into my new routine-- which pretty much meant I took care of everything. I made all the decisions, handled everything that needed handling, and took care of the children. Then when fall came, Kyle would all of the sudden be around more. Like a lot more sometimes. And sometimes I'd get annoyed, feeling like he was cramping my routine and messing with our groove.

That's what I would blame it on anyway. Him messing up our routine and groove.  But after this conversation I realized the more dominant factor of my difficulty in transitioning from Summer to Fall is realizing my mirror is back. I am no longer the independent, strong, supportive wife that is handling everything back at home. Kyle is around more to see that there are many days when things don't go smoothly. There are many days I don't have it all together. But when he was gone all the time, he was free to think that I had everything under control.  With him around,  he clearly knows I don't.  And who likes to be reminded that they aren't perfect? So I can complain and mutter under my breath it's because he's around things aren't going smoothly. But come on, really?

It was a refreshingly honest way to look at myself after hearing this analogy. I am hoping I do a better job transitioning from summer to fall in the future. In the mean time, I'll try to hold it all together, be that strong independent wife he needs me to be, and then just simply be grateful when he's around again to help, and be grateful I have my mirror back to help me work on my shortcomings.