(by Michelle)
And so the worthy retreat remains to be my ever-trusting, never-failing ear-- my beloved blog, to vent some major steam.
I was sitting down with the kids this evening enjoying a dinner together. It was a reasonably good day. No complaints. And I was looking forward to a nice, quiet evening after tucking the kids in. My cell phone rang. It was Cade's preschool teacher, Miss Mary*. Odd. She said she meant to share this with me earlier today when I picked Cade up, but it was so hectic with all the parents coming in and out she had forgotten. And so she was calling me now.
At this point I stiffened and mentally cowered to the defensive. I must have done something wrong, I thought. I began running through my head anything she could be calling me about...thoughts were ranging anywhere from getting chastised for putting Cade in a jacket today and not a coat to not having practiced his S's well enough this week. I drew in a breath.
"Miss Ursula* (Miss Mary's aide) said Cade came up to her and told her a boy touched his privates. She had been watching him the entire time and said there was absolutely no way this could have happened, but I just wanted you to know. Did he mention anything about this to you today?"
"Uh, no. He didn't."
"Okay, well, I just thought you should know about it in case he mentioned it to you and didn't want you to be alarmed. Like I said, Miss Ursula was watching Cade the whole time and said there was absolutely no way it could have happened, so maybe he is confused or something."
"I'll talk to Cade about it."
"Okay, well, feel free to call me back later tonight or this weekend, or I'll be there Monday if you have any questions."
"Okay, thanks for calling."
Naturally, I was immediately alarmed. I drew in a deep breath and sat Cade down and gently asked him what happened. He then proceeded to tell me a kid touched his bum with is clothes on and that he told his teacher. We talked and I praised him for telling the teacher and reminded him to always tell the teacher if something like that happens. And Mommy or Daddy.
I am beyond LIVID! First of all no teacher, parent, caregiver or ANYONE can ever say for certain something didn't happen. With 15 kids in the room, it CAN happen. That's just the way it goes. We don't see everything that happens, even if we are hovering over the kids all day long. We will miss things.
Secondly, if a child does approach an adult about something of this magnitude, the teacher should NEVER EVER blow the kid off. I am really curious how Miss Ursula responded to Cade's concern. As far as i know she just told him to stop tattling (she tells him that a lot. Another thing that really irritates me about his teacher. The poor kid doesn't even know what the word tattle means.) and then told Miss Mary "Cade said so-and-so touched his so-and-so, but I know it didn't happen, but I thought you should know."
I'm not mad about the idea that the teachers missed a kid swatting my child on the bum. I'm mad that they didn't address the situation. AND THEN have the nerve to call me and suggest that the reason why my child came up with this "supposed story" is because MY CHILD IS CONFUSED?!!!!
I am boiling. To say the very least.
Readers, Educators, Mothers..... what say ye? If a little boy at pre-school approached you with a similar complaint, what would you do? If you got a phone call from your child's teacher, what would you do?
After letting the sitaton simmer for a few hours I've decided to forgo the yelling and screaming (probably not very adult-like I guess). I'll wait the weekend out so I can do this in person. I'll go into school Monday morning and talk to Miss Ursula. Ask her to tell me what happened. Listen. Decide if she recognizes anything wrong with the phrase "there is no way it could have happened" and wait to hear if she re-nigs on that idea and apologizes for not addressing Cade's concern.
I will then decide if it's worth leaving Cade in the care of negligent people or not....
I am so disappointed how this was handled. I know this is the begninning to a long road of motherhood. This entire fiasco reminded me of how much hurt I wish I could shield my child from, whether it's physical, emotional, or both. I despise not being in complete control. I hate how I am at the mercy of other adults and their discernment. I myself am imperfect, and I can handle that. And I will admit my mistakes. I just don't want my child to suffer at the hands of someone else who is imperfect. Is that too much to ask?
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*names changed to protect privacy and blah blah blah blah
9 comments:
That is frustrating--I am sorry that you have to deal with that but I do not blame you for being angry and upset. It sounds like his teachers are not being very watchful if they are sure it didn't happen... Such a lame excuse for not watching carefully enough. And most young kids are not going to lie about something like this. Sorry, I am just feeling upset for you and I don't even have kids! Thanks for the open invitation to come see you--I probably would have made a quick trip this weekend but I have been struggling with a sinus infection and didn't want to get you all sick too! But hopefully soon I can come up and see you!
I just feel proud of you that you're handling it well--responsibly and giving it time over the weekend to maybe be able to talk it over without as much anger. Such a good mom.
I think waiting until Monday will allow you some time to get the angries out and think rationally while they give you their explanations/lame excuses. I am really curious also as to how in the world they dealt with Cade immediately after he approached her. 10 buck says she didn't even know it was his bum that was touched. The red side of me would pull him out of that school and ask for a refund, but keeping Cade in mind - as long as he doesn't feel hurt or confused by the situation maybe see what he wants to do. Sorry this had to happen to you. You should be the older sister!
That is terrible, I am so sorry Michelle!!! I would not be able to sleep either!
melody-- i totally agree. I doubt the teacher even asked cade to tell her exactly what happened. She's totally dubbed him as the "tattle tale" in the class and she doesn't seem to have much patience for him.
So we'll see. I can switch him to a smaller class with just one teacher. I hope it doesn't resort to that, but I don't like him having a teacher that doesn't like him and therefore isn't willing to listen to him.
I think adults need to give kids more credit and if they say something goes on, then it did.
I can't stand that some people have this perception that kids can just make stuff up. Why would they? It's a serious thing and should be taken that way always!
That bugs that they just blew it off like it was no big deal....HELLO! Man, I am upset and it didn't even happen to me! I can say that similar things have happened to me and it is frustrating if it isn't handled right. Sorry you have to deal with it. Kudos to Cade for talking about it.
Wow Michelle, I would be livid as well! Last week, a little girl in Delaney's class has her feelings hurt. Her name is Anna and the little girl who hurt her feelings was Madelyn. It was completely unintentional, but because there was a situation, the teacher spoke to Madelyn's mom anyways. Even if that other little boy meant no harm in touching Cade, both parties should be addressed. I would certainly make sure the other mother was contacted. You need to be sure that they understand the severity of the situation. Any inappropriate touching should be addressed. Regardless of the other child's intent, it made Cade uncomfortable enough to tell. Good for him for telling. Ugh...I feel my blood starting to boil just thinking about this. Please update after you are able to talk to her on Monday. Sorry to ramble...
Oh, and the reason I told the story about D's class, is because both parties got involved over a very minor incident. This situation is hardly minor.
Aaah, this legislature thing has me no computer time, and you wrote this several days ago now . . . Real bad way to handle it for the teacher. No, teachers cannot see everything. Parents cannot expect that they can, it's just not fair. However, they can, and SHOULD be expected to deal with serious things like this with trusting the child that something happened and validate their concerns. You have probably already dealt with this, but you should ask the teacher what her policy is for dealing with children's concerns like this. Tattling does get old very fast, but part of the teacher's job is to talk a lot about what needs to be reported and what doesn't (Sally keeps talking - I can clearly see that, don't need to tell me. Billy keeps looking at me, bla bla. There's a difference between that and bullying, etc.) I know an excellent program called Good Touch Bad Touch that teaches parents and kids how to talk about this stuff. Anyway, I think you're right to be mad, and the teacher needs to shape up, but as hard as it is, never talk to a teacher without ackowledging how hard her job is first, or you will be totally tuned out.
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