In the quiet of Savannah taking a nap and Cade downstairs watching the Testaments (his choice, I swear), I have chosen to take this precious free time and discuss my latest discovery. I've discovered that I am a member of a dying breed.
The breed that knows how to enjoy a slice of cake.
I know, I know. All to oft I find myself contemplating and blogging over the goodliness of sweets. But I think I have been able to nail it for good. For so long I have tried to conjure up the words in my heart and soul to describe how I feel about being indulgent for a moment. For so long I have felt like "the bad guy" when expressing my love of all things sweet. This past week I have had 3 experiences which has offered me significant insight to my discovery.
The first one happened when I hosted my ward book club in my home last Tuesday night. Tuesday was the perfect day to host and the worst day to host -- the worst because I was forced out of my home for 4 hours for an open house causing Savannah to miss her nap completely (I love her but on those nap-less days my love is questionable) and leaving me without any time to bake some of my favorite treats. On the flip side, it was perfect because every inch of my home had to be clean, thus when the gals arrived,they could explore without the paranoia that I didn't put my unmentionables away. And due to the missed nap, both my kids were asleep by 6:15, well before anyone was to arrive. It was also a good day to host because I was out and about by force and was able to pick up a delicious chocolate cake.
After the book discussion ended I took a few women on a little tour of the house and called to the ladies in the kitchen to help themselves to the cake and vegetable tray. Yes I had a vegetable tray. You guys, I'm not against healthy food. I had plates, forks, cups, and milk out so all they needed to do was slice it. The knife was even out, too. After the very short tour (we have a very small house) I made it back downstairs to the kitchen, and a few ladies were what we say in the south, fixin' to leave, and I was stopped in my tracks.
The cake was still in tact.
Not a pinch or smidgen had been cut out. It hadn't been touched. And these women were readying themselves to leave for crying out loud! I commented to the ladies I really meant I trusted them to cut their own slice. Miss Manners would probably have a fit as that is not what a proper hostess does, but we're all friends and it's no big deal to me. A gal whispered to me if I sliced it they would probably eat it. So I began slicing cake and putting it on plates. Ever so slowly I handed out a couple plates, but more often than not, it was requested to cut a smaller slice (I swear, mine were very modest slices, being mindful that everyone is always on a diet of some sort). As I handed out the plates I just had this awful sick feeling like I was the devil or something. The looks those ladies gave the cake when it was handed to them was almost more than I could bear. Such guilt and displeasure! As if they were trading their firstborn for a pair of shoes or something. My heart was breaking for them. Now, for those who were completely off sweets or who didn't eat chocolate, I very much respected that, was very impressed with their willpower and ability to manage an inability for chocolate to enter their systems and thought nothing more of it. They didn't make me feel guilty for offering something they couldn't indulge in. They simply said, "No thank you" and offered their reason as a simple statement of fact.
There are some very typical comments I get I get when in a cake eating situation along the lines of:
I know, I know. All to oft I find myself contemplating and blogging over the goodliness of sweets. But I think I have been able to nail it for good. For so long I have tried to conjure up the words in my heart and soul to describe how I feel about being indulgent for a moment. For so long I have felt like "the bad guy" when expressing my love of all things sweet. This past week I have had 3 experiences which has offered me significant insight to my discovery.
The first one happened when I hosted my ward book club in my home last Tuesday night. Tuesday was the perfect day to host and the worst day to host -- the worst because I was forced out of my home for 4 hours for an open house causing Savannah to miss her nap completely (I love her but on those nap-less days my love is questionable) and leaving me without any time to bake some of my favorite treats. On the flip side, it was perfect because every inch of my home had to be clean, thus when the gals arrived,they could explore without the paranoia that I didn't put my unmentionables away. And due to the missed nap, both my kids were asleep by 6:15, well before anyone was to arrive. It was also a good day to host because I was out and about by force and was able to pick up a delicious chocolate cake.
After the book discussion ended I took a few women on a little tour of the house and called to the ladies in the kitchen to help themselves to the cake and vegetable tray. Yes I had a vegetable tray. You guys, I'm not against healthy food. I had plates, forks, cups, and milk out so all they needed to do was slice it. The knife was even out, too. After the very short tour (we have a very small house) I made it back downstairs to the kitchen, and a few ladies were what we say in the south, fixin' to leave, and I was stopped in my tracks.
The cake was still in tact.
Not a pinch or smidgen had been cut out. It hadn't been touched. And these women were readying themselves to leave for crying out loud! I commented to the ladies I really meant I trusted them to cut their own slice. Miss Manners would probably have a fit as that is not what a proper hostess does, but we're all friends and it's no big deal to me. A gal whispered to me if I sliced it they would probably eat it. So I began slicing cake and putting it on plates. Ever so slowly I handed out a couple plates, but more often than not, it was requested to cut a smaller slice (I swear, mine were very modest slices, being mindful that everyone is always on a diet of some sort). As I handed out the plates I just had this awful sick feeling like I was the devil or something. The looks those ladies gave the cake when it was handed to them was almost more than I could bear. Such guilt and displeasure! As if they were trading their firstborn for a pair of shoes or something. My heart was breaking for them. Now, for those who were completely off sweets or who didn't eat chocolate, I very much respected that, was very impressed with their willpower and ability to manage an inability for chocolate to enter their systems and thought nothing more of it. They didn't make me feel guilty for offering something they couldn't indulge in. They simply said, "No thank you" and offered their reason as a simple statement of fact.
There are some very typical comments I get I get when in a cake eating situation along the lines of:
"If I had your metabolism, I would eat more cake!"
"If I were as skinny as you, I'd not worry about what I ate either!"
May I dispell those two myths with two of the following statements:
1. It is because I let myself eat cake (er....or a row of Oreos) that I do not struggle with my weight.
2. Despite that I may seem obsessed with sweets, I really am somewhat mindful of what I consume.
1- My philosophy after a minor battle in my younger years over my curves has changed from fighting the cravings to indulging them. So often I'd want something sweet and try to avoid and fend off the desire with other choices and in the end I consumed more calories than I would have if I had just eaten what I wanted in the first place. Now, once I serve myself whatever it is my body is screaming for me to get, I can get on with my life rather than having to constantly think of something else to get it off my mind. For me, once is enough. I can stop once the craving is filled. I don't have a continuous need for it. And, for that reason, this philosohy works for me.
2. Eating sweets (or other food with zero nutritional value) is about tradeoffs. If I unintentionally don't get breakfast, I feel totally justified in having dessert after (or for) lunch. Many days I do not get enough to eat. I am busy with other things that meals find themselves at the bottom of the list for me. In order to ensure I get the proper caloric intake, I indulge on something that will give me lots of calories. At the same time, I do make sure to get my fruits and veggies in. I am a huge fan of V-8 and bananas. They are a staple in my life that keep me from living off Oreos alone.
Certainly I am not a certified dietician and I by no means claim to be a very healthy or even moderately healthy person. My question is, why does cake or {insert your favorite nutritionless food here}have to be treated with such disdain?? I hate feeling bad when serving cake. Cake is Joy! Cake is Love! When I bake a chocolate eclair pie or a death by chocolate cake, it is the utmost gesture of friendship I give. First of all because I had to part with the delicious delicassy in the first place, and secondly, I suppose we are just good at giving something we love to receive. And so I make them. And so this awful realization has creeped into me that all those treats I have made for people in my life has probably caused them a great deal of guilt and unhappiness, and that makes me so sad. It is one thing if you are a bizarre alien like my husband and chocolate cake just doesn't do it for you, and so naturally you wouldn't be thrilled to be gifted with a treat you aren't fond of. But to get a cake and hate it because you do like it and therefore it's your enemy--- That is the saddest thing I have ever heard of.
On to experience number two. After attending the baptisms of two of my friends' sons, I got a call from one of them just when I arrived home and opened the fridge to figure out what to make for dinner. She extended the invitation for us to eat dinner with them. (Enough said! You know how I feel about eating meals I don't need to cook) Even more, she dangled the fact that there would be chocolate cake for dessert. What a dear!
"Say no more. I am there!"
Of course I would have gone if cake wasn't a part of the gathering. The gathering was a lovely time with friends and family for a momentous occasion. Cake was just a part of the celebration. After eating a delicious meal in peace (Cade was off galavanting with the older kids and for some reason, I decided to let it go and let him play instead of stressing that other people were going to judge me for being a bad mom if I didn't have my hawk-eyes on him at all times. Perhaps when I let my child run wild, that is when I know I am in the company of true friends?) and enjoying wonderful conversation among the other guests, it was time for cake to be served. I clapped my hands in joy and expressed how thrilled I was to eat the cake. Again, the cake was met by many faces of longing, and eyes filled with guilt. SAD. Sad. SAD! I met the cake with pleasure and happiness. I even went back for a second slice and finished the 2 bites Cade failed to eat as well. So the second slice I wasn't real proud of, more along the lines that it's just not polite. But it was really good cake! I had room for another slice of cake. But that's going back to the trade-offs. I hadn't anything to eat until I sat down and had that meal (we had a showing earlier so I spent my day fussing over the house) I needed the calories. But certainly, I should let my manners come first. I failed to on Saturday.
The icing on the cake, or better said, the straw that broke the camel's back, was when I received a call this morning in regards to bringing refreshments to a bridal shower. A dear friend of mine is in charge of the food and I told her I'd love to contribute. She asked what I'd like to bring. I mentioned I could bring a tray with crackers and cheese or (please please please let me) I could bake something. She chose the crackers and cheese. "People are always trying to watch what they eat. Especially at night" Oh.
AM I AN ALIEN FROM ANOTHER PLANET? ARE WE SO UNABLE TO ENJOY A SWEET EVERY NOW AND AGAIN THAT WE HAVE TO BAN THEM FROM EXISTENCE?
I know, I know. Mormons are known all too well for being obsessed with sweets and treats, so any movement in the other direction is good. Her decision was a good one because after all, the majority of the women in attendance (meaning everyone else except me) to this shower will appreciate that there are no sweets to tempt them or make them feel guilty. Being healthy and having healthy food options are exactly what this obese America needs. But, could you for a moment entertain this excerpt from Jeanne Ray's book aptly titled, Eat Cake:
1. It is because I let myself eat cake (er....or a row of Oreos) that I do not struggle with my weight.
2. Despite that I may seem obsessed with sweets, I really am somewhat mindful of what I consume.
1- My philosophy after a minor battle in my younger years over my curves has changed from fighting the cravings to indulging them. So often I'd want something sweet and try to avoid and fend off the desire with other choices and in the end I consumed more calories than I would have if I had just eaten what I wanted in the first place. Now, once I serve myself whatever it is my body is screaming for me to get, I can get on with my life rather than having to constantly think of something else to get it off my mind. For me, once is enough. I can stop once the craving is filled. I don't have a continuous need for it. And, for that reason, this philosohy works for me.
2. Eating sweets (or other food with zero nutritional value) is about tradeoffs. If I unintentionally don't get breakfast, I feel totally justified in having dessert after (or for) lunch. Many days I do not get enough to eat. I am busy with other things that meals find themselves at the bottom of the list for me. In order to ensure I get the proper caloric intake, I indulge on something that will give me lots of calories. At the same time, I do make sure to get my fruits and veggies in. I am a huge fan of V-8 and bananas. They are a staple in my life that keep me from living off Oreos alone.
Certainly I am not a certified dietician and I by no means claim to be a very healthy or even moderately healthy person. My question is, why does cake or {insert your favorite nutritionless food here}
On to experience number two. After attending the baptisms of two of my friends' sons, I got a call from one of them just when I arrived home and opened the fridge to figure out what to make for dinner. She extended the invitation for us to eat dinner with them. (Enough said! You know how I feel about eating meals I don't need to cook) Even more, she dangled the fact that there would be chocolate cake for dessert. What a dear!
"Say no more. I am there!"
Of course I would have gone if cake wasn't a part of the gathering. The gathering was a lovely time with friends and family for a momentous occasion. Cake was just a part of the celebration. After eating a delicious meal in peace (Cade was off galavanting with the older kids and for some reason, I decided to let it go and let him play instead of stressing that other people were going to judge me for being a bad mom if I didn't have my hawk-eyes on him at all times. Perhaps when I let my child run wild, that is when I know I am in the company of true friends?) and enjoying wonderful conversation among the other guests, it was time for cake to be served. I clapped my hands in joy and expressed how thrilled I was to eat the cake. Again, the cake was met by many faces of longing, and eyes filled with guilt. SAD. Sad. SAD! I met the cake with pleasure and happiness. I even went back for a second slice and finished the 2 bites Cade failed to eat as well. So the second slice I wasn't real proud of, more along the lines that it's just not polite. But it was really good cake! I had room for another slice of cake. But that's going back to the trade-offs. I hadn't anything to eat until I sat down and had that meal (we had a showing earlier so I spent my day fussing over the house) I needed the calories. But certainly, I should let my manners come first. I failed to on Saturday.
The icing on the cake, or better said, the straw that broke the camel's back, was when I received a call this morning in regards to bringing refreshments to a bridal shower. A dear friend of mine is in charge of the food and I told her I'd love to contribute. She asked what I'd like to bring. I mentioned I could bring a tray with crackers and cheese or (please please please let me) I could bake something. She chose the crackers and cheese. "People are always trying to watch what they eat. Especially at night" Oh.
AM I AN ALIEN FROM ANOTHER PLANET? ARE WE SO UNABLE TO ENJOY A SWEET EVERY NOW AND AGAIN THAT WE HAVE TO BAN THEM FROM EXISTENCE?
I know, I know. Mormons are known all too well for being obsessed with sweets and treats, so any movement in the other direction is good. Her decision was a good one because after all, the majority of the women in attendance (meaning everyone else except me) to this shower will appreciate that there are no sweets to tempt them or make them feel guilty. Being healthy and having healthy food options are exactly what this obese America needs. But, could you for a moment entertain this excerpt from Jeanne Ray's book aptly titled, Eat Cake:
Cakes have gotten a bad rap. People equate virtue with turning down dessert. There is always one person at the table who holds up her hand when I serve the cake. No, really, I couldn’t, she says and the gives her flat stomach a conspiratorial little pat. Everyone who is pressing a fork into that first tender layer looks at the person who declined the plate, and they all think, That person is better than I am. That person has discipline. But that isn’t a person with discipline, that is a person who has completely lost touch with joy. A slice of cake never made anybody fat. You don’t eat the whole cake. You don’t eat a cake every day of your life. You take the cake when it is offered because the cake is delicious. You have a slice of cake and what it reminds you of is someplace that’s safe, uncomplicated, without stress. A cake is a party, a birthday, a wedding. A cake is what’s served on the happiest days of your life.
Amen, Jeanne. Amen.
And so I invite you to join the dying breed of those who are willing to enjoy a slice of cake.
9 comments:
I'm with Kyle. Chocolate cake doesn't do it for me. It just doesn't taste good to me. I really only like chocolate in one place: milk. Is it bad that the thing I miss most about BYU is the BYU Creamery chocolate milk? Don't get me wrong, I miss lots of other things, too, but that stuff is AMAZING.
If I am going to scarf down some dessert, it is going to have to be peach cobbler, or dutch apple pie. In fact, I have a pie right now. I think I will go eat some with a scoop of ice cream.
Cheers.
Gotta put my brownie down to type . . . oh, my goodness, I do not currently have the vocabulary to express my love of chocolate cake. If it's somebody in my family's birthday, and someone beats me to making the cake, I actually get upset because I have been robbed of the chance to lick the beaters. I dream of the birthday cake and buy ingredients two weeks ahead. As for the other people - I have not met with as much disdain as you have, but some. I say sweets and treats (teamed with fruit and veggie platters)are what make a get together great. I say there are MANY things that need to happen before shoving away cake at a party. Work out regularly, eat healthy on a normal basis (saving your calories for when you know you have book club or whatever), drink skim milk, don't drink soda, etc. But the cake . . . if I'm invited to your party you won't feel bad making cake. Oh, and cheese and crackers isn't low-fat either, why turn up your nose at baked goods? Here the recipe for my favorite chocolate cake: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Sandys-Chocolate-Cake/Detail.aspx Anyway, very long comment, but you mentioned something I am passionate about. :)
I love sweets and I eat it more often then I should, I adopted your philosphy and gained 15 pounds ( i am now working on losing, but I di indulge in a fudge bar everyday its anywhere from 40-100 calories and it makes me happy! I am learning I just have to be satisfied with one or two bites! But I agree with you, we should love to indulge once in awhile and it will not kill us!
You crack me up! Really, you need to write a book.
Wanna bake me a cake just as fast as you can? I think I'll read "Eat Cake" again. I love that book!
You are never going to see this problem in the Mann family! Growing up cake was a staple and a way of life. We even took care of the guilt that comes from going back for a second piece by cutting the pieces bigger. We cut "Mann" sized pieces by dividing the cake in just 9 pieces. Can you believe some people divide it up into 16?
I loved this post, Michelle! I agree that it's sad we live in a culture where the mantra is "deprive, deprive" when it comes to sweets & treats - thus leading to unhealthy binges or over-indulgence. It's one thing to decline dessert after eating a heavy meal, but to constantly say no to sweets is setting yourself up for disaster. Is it so hard to exercise, eat right, and allow for the occasional indulgence? Why is this balance so hard for people to understand??
I guess I join you as part of the dying breed who pass up sweets. Maybe you should have served carrot cake at bookclub and had a better ratio of cake eaters, it's chock full of veggies, right? I'm not a huge chocolate cake fan, but put a DQ blizzard in front of me a back away!
I loved reading your blog (stayed up way too late), you are both AMAZING writers, and (don't take this personally) are part of the reason I don't like writing much on mine! Don't compare yourself, don't compare yourself, don't compare......
Thanks for having us, we had a blast!
Fun post. If such things are inherited you got your love of chocolate from your mom and your love of all other things sweet from your dad. I really like chocolate cake, especially if it is dark chocolate, but when themalagafamily mentioned carrot cake, oh boy, that got me going. I LOVE carrot cake (no nuts please). My philosophy is most anything baked can be made better with the addition of sugar. (Did I tell you I used to work in a sugar factory?) My problem is I have a hard time stopping once I get started. If one piece is good, two are better. I liked what Jake said about cutting the cake into 9 pieces. That cracked me up.
When in my 20's and early 30's I could eat as much as I wanted without any weight gain. When I turned 35 my metabolism changed and overnight it seemed I gained 5 pounds. Over the years it has continued to change (this will probably happen to you so eat, drink and be merry now while you can). Even so, I won't turn down dessert unless I'm just too stuffed from the meal to enjoy it. Bring on the cake! (& doughnuts & rice pudding & cobbler & ice cream & pudding & cinnamon rolls & .....)
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