Tomorrow I shall...

• Wake up before the kids do so I can shower and put make up on instead of having to pick one or the other.
• Get the kids ready for church without raising my voice
• Be on time to sacrament (perhaps even a bit early to make copies for my lesson?)
• Be fully prepared for sacrament meeting with books, quiet toys and snacks so that I can sit and enjoy the talks despite my hyperactive 22 month old who likes to pew hop and wrestle
• Teach a lesson to my MiaMaids they will remember the rest of their lives
• Distribute rewards to the boys in the ward who asked a girl to dance at the stake activity tonight
• NOT be the last one to pick up Savvy from nursery when church is over
• Make it in the car to drive home within 20 minutes of church letting out
• Pack for myself and 2 children in 2 suitcases for a 3 week trip
• Clean the house so it is in perfect showing condition
• Fit a nap in somewhere

Dream on, little dreamer. I guess I should set more realistic expectations for myself.

Tomorrow I shall:

• Survive and not strangle my kids.

Yeah, that is much more doable.

Marriage Tips, Tricks and Traps...

Hi guys! Did you see the title and picture and think I was going to offer marital advice? Sorry to disappoint you, but I just thought I'd throw in a picture for posterity's sake of Kyle and I on our wedding day. For those of you willing to share, I welcome your insight on:

What makes a fulfilling marriage?

No, Kyle and I aren't on the rocks (Yet. He did leave me for that dang hunting trip and being a single mom is wearing on me. My love for him seems to wane on the days when the kids' behavior resemble a cross between a monkey, hyena, and a lion while I am trying to get the house ready for another showing...). I am speaking briefly at a wedding tomorrow and would love some fresh thoughts from the universe.

Gospel related tips are welcome as the bride-to-be is a member of the Church. Don't disqualify yourself from sharing if you are not married. We can learn a great deal from everyone's perspective so ALL thoughts are welcome!! Short and sweet, Long and philsophic, deep, shallow--- whatever! And please feel free to share even if you don't get to it after tomorrow afternoon. After all, how many people read blogs on a Friday night besides me?!)

Wednesday Letters

Dear Unknown Garbage Removal Company,

Thank you for dumping my garbage yesterday. I am not a paying customer but I sure would be if I knew who you were because my garbage man is mean and cranky and even chucked about 10 dirty diapers from my garbage can into my yard once. I thought I was going to have to wait until next week for my cans to get dumped since I was too late putting them out there on Monday. I looked out the window Tuesday morning to see my cans empty and upside down! Bless you, kind garbage person, whoever you are. Bless you.

----
Dear Mall Santa:

Thank you for telling my son to make sure he picks up all his toys, books, and clothes. He listens to you, not me, so that went over really well. I also appreciate you telling him to make sure to be nice and share with his little sister. My favorite line was when you told him I had one of the cleanest rooms back when I was a little girl (my parents remember otherwise). That was a great one. As a parent, I need all the support I can get.

-----
Dear T-Mobile mall kiosk worker dude,

Thank you for your apology. Honestly I didn't even hear you swear when I was walking by with my kids, so when you approached me and apologized I thought that was pretty cool. Most teenagers (and adults) don't think twice when they let vulgar language roll off their tongues in the presence of little ones.

-----
Dear Kyle,

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!? You really took off with EVERY SINGLE ONE of the rechargable double-A's?? Don't we have like 10 of them? The kids were being really cute this afternoon and I wanted to take a video of them only to find my camera and the battery drawer completely robbed of all batteries. Do you seriously think you're going to need THAT much battery power to document your hunting trip? You could have at least left me 2 for my own camera. You're so grounded.

My discovery

In the quiet of Savannah taking a nap and Cade downstairs watching the Testaments (his choice, I swear), I have chosen to take this precious free time and discuss my latest discovery. I've discovered that I am a member of a dying breed.

The breed that knows how to enjoy a slice of cake.

I know, I know. All to oft I find myself contemplating and blogging over the goodliness of sweets. But I think I have been able to nail it for good. For so long I have tried to conjure up the words in my heart and soul to describe how I feel about being indulgent for a moment. For so long I have felt like "the bad guy" when expressing my love of all things sweet. This past week I have had 3 experiences which has offered me significant insight to my discovery.

The first one happened when I hosted my ward book club in my home last Tuesday night. Tuesday was the perfect day to host and the worst day to host -- the worst because I was forced out of my home for 4 hours for an open house causing Savannah to miss her nap completely (I love her but on those nap-less days my love is questionable) and leaving me without any time to bake some of my favorite treats. On the flip side, it was perfect because every inch of my home had to be clean, thus when the gals arrived,they could explore without the paranoia that I didn't put my unmentionables away. And due to the missed nap, both my kids were asleep by 6:15, well before anyone was to arrive. It was also a good day to host because I was out and about by force and was able to pick up a delicious chocolate cake.

After the book discussion ended I took a few women on a little tour of the house and called to the ladies in the kitchen to help themselves to the cake and vegetable tray. Yes I had a vegetable tray. You guys, I'm not against healthy food. I had plates, forks, cups, and milk out so all they needed to do was slice it. The knife was even out, too. After the very short tour (we have a very small house) I made it back downstairs to the kitchen, and a few ladies were what we say in the south, fixin' to leave, and I was stopped in my tracks.

The cake was still in tact.

Not a pinch or smidgen had been cut out. It hadn't been touched. And these women were readying themselves to leave for crying out loud! I commented to the ladies I really meant I trusted them to cut their own slice. Miss Manners would probably have a fit as that is not what a proper hostess does, but we're all friends and it's no big deal to me. A gal whispered to me if I sliced it they would probably eat it. So I began slicing cake and putting it on plates. Ever so slowly I handed out a couple plates, but more often than not, it was requested to cut a smaller slice (I swear, mine were very modest slices, being mindful that everyone is always on a diet of some sort). As I handed out the plates I just had this awful sick feeling like I was the devil or something. The looks those ladies gave the cake when it was handed to them was almost more than I could bear. Such guilt and displeasure! As if they were trading their firstborn for a pair of shoes or something. My heart was breaking for them. Now, for those who were completely off sweets or who didn't eat chocolate, I very much respected that, was very impressed with their willpower and ability to manage an inability for chocolate to enter their systems and thought nothing more of it. They didn't make me feel guilty for offering something they couldn't indulge in. They simply said, "No thank you" and offered their reason as a simple statement of fact.

There are some very typical comments I get I get when in a cake eating situation along the lines of:

"If I had your metabolism, I would eat more cake!"

"If I were as skinny as you, I'd not worry about what I ate either!"

May I dispell those two myths with two of the following statements:

1. It is because I let myself eat cake (er....or a row of Oreos) that I do not struggle with my weight.

2. Despite that I may seem obsessed with sweets, I really am somewhat mindful of what I consume.

1- My philosophy after a minor battle in my younger years over my curves has changed from fighting the cravings to indulging them. So often I'd want something sweet and try to avoid and fend off the desire with other choices and in the end I consumed more calories than I would have if I had just eaten what I wanted in the first place. Now, once I serve myself whatever it is my body is screaming for me to get, I can get on with my life rather than having to constantly think of something else to get it off my mind. For me, once is enough. I can stop once the craving is filled. I don't have a continuous need for it. And, for that reason, this philosohy works for me.

2. Eating sweets (or other food with zero nutritional value) is about tradeoffs. If I unintentionally don't get breakfast, I feel totally justified in having dessert after (or for) lunch. Many days I do not get enough to eat. I am busy with other things that meals find themselves at the bottom of the list for me. In order to ensure I get the proper caloric intake, I indulge on something that will give me lots of calories. At the same time, I do make sure to get my fruits and veggies in. I am a huge fan of V-8 and bananas. They are a staple in my life that keep me from living off Oreos alone.

Certainly I am not a certified dietician and I by no means claim to be a very healthy or even moderately healthy person. My question is, why does cake or {insert your favorite nutritionless food here} have to be treated with such disdain?? I hate feeling bad when serving cake. Cake is Joy! Cake is Love! When I bake a chocolate eclair pie or a death by chocolate cake, it is the utmost gesture of friendship I give. First of all because I had to part with the delicious delicassy in the first place, and secondly, I suppose we are just good at giving something we love to receive. And so I make them. And so this awful realization has creeped into me that all those treats I have made for people in my life has probably caused them a great deal of guilt and unhappiness, and that makes me so sad. It is one thing if you are a bizarre alien like my husband and chocolate cake just doesn't do it for you, and so naturally you wouldn't be thrilled to be gifted with a treat you aren't fond of. But to get a cake and hate it because you do like it and therefore it's your enemy--- That is the saddest thing I have ever heard of.

On to experience number two. After attending the baptisms of two of my friends' sons, I got a call from one of them just when I arrived home and opened the fridge to figure out what to make for dinner. She extended the invitation for us to eat dinner with them. (Enough said! You know how I feel about eating meals I don't need to cook) Even more, she dangled the fact that there would be chocolate cake for dessert. What a dear!

"Say no more. I am there!"

Of course I would have gone if cake wasn't a part of the gathering. The gathering was a lovely time with friends and family for a momentous occasion. Cake was just a part of the celebration. After eating a delicious meal in peace (Cade was off galavanting with the older kids and for some reason, I decided to let it go and let him play instead of stressing that other people were going to judge me for being a bad mom if I didn't have my hawk-eyes on him at all times. Perhaps when I let my child run wild, that is when I know I am in the company of true friends?) and enjoying wonderful conversation among the other guests, it was time for cake to be served. I clapped my hands in joy and expressed how thrilled I was to eat the cake. Again, the cake was met by many faces of longing, and eyes filled with guilt. SAD. Sad. SAD! I met the cake with pleasure and happiness. I even went back for a second slice and finished the 2 bites Cade failed to eat as well. So the second slice I wasn't real proud of, more along the lines that it's just not polite. But it was really good cake! I had room for another slice of cake. But that's going back to the trade-offs. I hadn't anything to eat until I sat down and had that meal (we had a showing earlier so I spent my day fussing over the house) I needed the calories. But certainly, I should let my manners come first. I failed to on Saturday.

The icing on the cake, or better said, the straw that broke the camel's back, was when I received a call this morning in regards to bringing refreshments to a bridal shower. A dear friend of mine is in charge of the food and I told her I'd love to contribute. She asked what I'd like to bring. I mentioned I could bring a tray with crackers and cheese or (please please please let me) I could bake something. She chose the crackers and cheese. "People are always trying to watch what they eat. Especially at night" Oh.

AM I AN ALIEN FROM ANOTHER PLANET? ARE WE SO UNABLE TO ENJOY A SWEET EVERY NOW AND AGAIN THAT WE HAVE TO BAN THEM FROM EXISTENCE?

I know, I know. Mormons are known all too well for being obsessed with sweets and treats, so any movement in the other direction is good. Her decision was a good one because after all, the majority of the women in attendance (meaning everyone else except me) to this shower will appreciate that there are no sweets to tempt them or make them feel guilty. Being healthy and having healthy food options are exactly what this obese America needs. But, could you for a moment entertain this excerpt from Jeanne Ray's book aptly titled, Eat Cake:

Cakes have gotten a bad rap. People equate virtue with turning down dessert. There is always one person at the table who holds up her hand when I serve the cake. No, really, I couldn’t, she says and the gives her flat stomach a conspiratorial little pat. Everyone who is pressing a fork into that first tender layer looks at the person who declined the plate, and they all think, That person is better than I am. That person has discipline. But that isn’t a person with discipline, that is a person who has completely lost touch with joy. A slice of cake never made anybody fat. You don’t eat the whole cake. You don’t eat a cake every day of your life. You take the cake when it is offered because the cake is delicious. You have a slice of cake and what it reminds you of is someplace that’s safe, uncomplicated, without stress. A cake is a party, a birthday, a wedding. A cake is what’s served on the happiest days of your life.

Amen, Jeanne. Amen.

And so I invite you to join the dying breed of those who are willing to enjoy a slice of cake.

Advice in its truest form

Those of you who have indulged yourself into the NieNie dialogues understand why anyone would desire to be more like this woman. For me, yesterday was one of those days that I desired to be more like anyone other than me. I was feeling ever so grumpy. Ever so frumpy. Ever so blah. And I thought, oh, if I were more like NieNie, I would be less grumpy, less frumpy, and a much better wife and mother. Lucky me, I have a friend I can share such thoughts with. So I did. And to no surprise, she responded like the true friend she is. This morning I found these words beaming through my inbox:

". . . I know NieNie can seem a bit overwhelming as far as perfection goes, but look at what she's dealing with now. It just goes to show that you NEVER know quite what is in store. We know we can't plan because our husbands chosen careers are not so black and white.

But really who can plan?

Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. The point: Eat, Drink, and be Merry for tomorrow we DIE! HA! Just Kidding. The point is to embrace the most important in life, because you really NEVER know how long you get to have them by your side. Each day is a blessing and we get to decide how we use our time and our energy... it really is our choice... really!

So... go kiss your husband & tell him you love him. Hug your kids and let them do something messy and fun (in the kitchen where is will wipe clean, or better yet the backyard!) Wear something silky to bed once in a while just to spice things up. Oh, put on some dark nail polish for your next date night just because Kyle thinks it would be cool. (You can remove it when you get home.) Share your testimony, and be firm in your personal convictions. You are an amazing woman, if you were not I wouldn't waste my time being your best friend!

Now, it's easy to dish it out and tell you how to be more NieNie-ish, but give it back to me. Don't let me be the same woman year after year. We have greatness to achieve!!!"

Poetic, don't you think? I decided to take her advice. I noticed the sunshine and decided to make the most our afternoon ...

Life is good.

My dad is famous!

Alright, I am just kidding. But my old man did win the UFC photo contest after I entered a picture I took of him. They posted his picture on the website now after I submitted 4 pages of legal stuff allowing them rights to use the picture.

Since my camera I used costed less than $100, I am fairly certain the contest didn't contain any professionals. I don't expect to win any other photo contest in the near future. The total prize package total is "over $200" but I can't imagine the hat or fish gravy costing that much. Maybe the glasses are special fishing glasses. I am not positive, but suspect the reason for winning was either his exposed chest hair or the cock-eyed hat wearing style.

Just some highlights

Lots happening in the Woodbury household. I've been itching to post about all of it, but for now I'll give you the Top 5:

• We signed with an agent (shocker!) about 10 days ago. We've had 4 showings and another on deck tomorrow. Yes, I am ready to lose my mind. ;)

• Trick or treating was a huge success. Cade and Savannah lasted on the doors all of about 23 minutes and have been eating or asking to eat candy ever since.
  
• Word got out that I don't cook or sew, so I got released as Relief Society President on Sunday. Don't worry though, guys-- I'm the new TAMN! I get to be the Mia Maid advisor. Wahoo! Seriously, I am so blessed.
  
• Yesterday after a showing we sat down to have Family Home Evening and Cade, being the ever-so-perceptive child sits on the couch and takes it all in saying, "Mom, this house smells so nice. I love it when it is so clean. Thank you for making the house so nice, Mom." Yes, my heart melted. All my hard efforts pay off when my little 4 year-old notices that I lit a candle and put everything is in it's place.
  
• I voted today. My location was at a church--- a really, really big one. It even had a library to check out books and a cafe with fancy schmancy coffee machine and steamer with all sorts of floavors and syrups. Members of the church were giving out free coffee or lattes to all the voters. I overheard a gentleman next to me oogling over the coffee saying, "at my church they only have regular or decaf." Poor man.